The Importance Of Intimacy And Effective Communication Theology Religion Essay Example
In our relationships, the Bible offers valuable guidance on communication. It emphasizes prioritizing understanding over speaking and highlights the importance of edification in our conversations. This means that what we say should uplift others. Moreover, it advises us to communicate in an orderly manner to prevent confusion and foster peace.
God's communication from heaven is pleasant, organized, and serves the purpose of strengthening us. It allows us to understand His message clearly. Communication is a skill that involves conveying our inner thoughts and exchanging sincerity with others. Lack of communication often leads to marital issues, which is why I have dedicated a chapter specifically for this important tool. Through communication, we express our thoughts, emotions, and concepts in a way that others can comprehend.
The main objective of communication is to establish shared terms and simplify things to their fundamenta
...l elements. This allows us to find common ground and enhance mutual understanding. Failure to define terms and find common ground can lead to conflicts. In our country, the divorce rate exceeds 60%. Research indicates that one of the primary causes of divorce is communication issues, specifically individuals' inability to effectively communicate with one another. The aim of this chapter is to assist you and your spouse in developing the necessary skills for successful communication, regardless of whether your spouse is your partner, friend, or significant other. Finding common ground fosters a sense of community that promotes belongingness and relationships.
Unfortunately, there is a disconnect between what is meant, sent, received, and interpreted in our current mode of communication. It is important to recognize that achieving successful communication will require effort. Effective communication is not for the timid!
Communication i
characterized by:
- Dialogue
- Hard work
- Time-consuming
- Revealing your position
- Requiring courtesy
- Requiring structured talk
We express our deepest thoughts, emotions, and goals, forging a deeper connection when we are able to share them with others.
Consideration:
Have you ever experienced the frustration of not being understood when discussing something? How did it feel to be unable to connect? One consequence of ineffective communication due to a lack of intimacy is the creation of distance instead of the desired closeness with our partner.
Consideration:
Did you sense a gap between you and your partner when unable to connect? Intimacy, or the ability to freely express oneself from within, is crucial for establishing effective communication patterns in a relationship.The effectiveness of the dialogue phase will be compromised if there is no familiarity. People will not be genuine with each other, only saying what reduces stress and conflict. Here are five essential elements for intimacy - the five (5) prerequisites for familiarity: Access - you need to establish a spiritual, emotional, and physical connection. To have access to your partner, your values must align and agree.
Exercise:
Do you and your partner have the same values? Write down three shared values with your partner.
Availability - ensuring that both you and your partner are physically, spiritually, and emotionally present for each other. Is there a specific time set aside for relaxation, conversation, and laughter? Do you have an opportunity to connect with one another?
Exercise:
Does your partner ever express frustration about not being able to contact you? What practical steps can you take to ensure that you are accessible
enough to make your partner feel comfortable?
Exercise:
Name three instances of the words, phrases, or gestures used in the unique language between you and your partner.
Abandonment requires being open and vulnerable. If you are unable or unwilling to express your true self, it is not possible to truly become a confidant.
Exercise:
Reflect on a past situation where either you or your partner shared something that deepened your understanding of each other on a more intimate level. Application - openness and honesty are essential in any relationship.
Exercise: Enhancing the quality of your relationship with your spouse can be accomplished by developing effective communication skills. However, it is common for couples to struggle in engaging in healthy and meaningful conversations over time. When arguments persistently occur, it suggests a breakdown in communication within the marriage. In more severe cases, if this difficulty in having conflict-free verbal exchanges is accompanied by abusive behavior or other signs of dysfunction, seeking assistance from a mental health professional may be necessary.
Conflicts resulting from differences between partners often disrupt communication. These conflicts can arise from various causes mentioned previously. The treatment for such issues is found in James 1:19-20, Ephesians 4:15, 29-32, and Philippians 2:14, which advise individuals to avoid grumbling and arguing.
Failure to Communicate
Communication plays a crucial role in relationships. Expressing thoughts and avoiding guesswork is essential. Open communication becomes vital to prevent misunderstandings. Problems arise when one partner expects the other to understand their thoughts without verbalizing them - an almost impossible task.
The following list identifies five factors that impede the creation of an environment conducive to effective communication.
Five factors that hinder communication
The Complexity of Communication - Communication is not simply
about individuals' ability to access vocabulary words. It is a skillful exchange between two people. There are listening styles and communication styles that exist to facilitate this.
If you and your partner have different communication styles, expressing love through actions like giving flowers, a card, or a nice gift may be more effective than simply saying "I love you." Sometimes we inadvertently speak different languages to our partners.
Low Self-Esteem
If you lack self-confidence, you might refrain from speaking up because you believe that what you say is insignificant. Eventually, this can accumulate and lead to an emotional outburst. It is essential to understand the importance of valuing your emotions enough to express them with your partner.
Understand that not sharing your ideas willingly can harm the future of the relationship.
Fear of Criticism and Judgment
- Some people are afraid that their words may be misunderstood or negatively judged. They are hesitant to communicate honestly to avoid potential negative reactions or misinterpretations.
Lack of Knowledge of Internal Happiness
- You don't truly understand what is happening inside yourself, so you struggle to express your true emotions. This disconnect between your words and inner feelings leaves you unfulfilled.
Inability to Put Thoughts and Feelings into Words
- Some individuals resort to actions like being mean, slamming doors, avoiding physical intimacy, and name-calling because they struggle to verbally articulate their emotions accurately.
If you can be at ease without any interaction with your partner, there is an issue and dysfunction in your relationship.
Exercise:
Select the obstacle that impacts communication the most in your relationship and then find two solutions to overcome those obstacles. Communication includes expressing intentions and here are the intentions behind communicating. Identify which ones you
aim for when communicating with your significant other.
Information
Talking imparts knowledge or brings awareness of something unknown. We must speak for others to comprehend us.
It is important to recognize that others cannot read our minds or understand our feelings. Some people may mistakenly believe that others should automatically know these things, but this assumption is incorrect. Even if we repeatedly express our desires, it does not guarantee that our partner comprehends them fully.
Disclosure
Communication involves more than just words; it also requires sharing our authentic selves. The purpose of communication goes beyond the use of words alone, as they are insufficient in accurately conveying our intended message entirely.
Communication
Communication goes beyond simply speaking or transmitting information. It involves sharing ideas, emotions, and thoughts in a way that others can understand. The main goal of communication is to promote mutual understanding and agreement. To achieve this, it is important to clearly define terms and simplify complex concepts so that everyone has a shared understanding. Without this clarity and common perspective, miscommunication can lead to frustration and disagreement.
Exercise: Choose one issue or need that you believe your spouse has not adequately responded to, and answer the following questions regarding this issue: Have I fully expressed to my spouse what I want? Yes No Have I revealed to my spouse what I want? Yes No When I expressed these issues and revealed myself to my spouse, based on the definition of communication, was I simply speaking or were we genuinely communicating? How can I more effectively communicate this particular need to my spouse?
The 5 Levels of Communication
There are five levels of communication that are related to the goals of speaking,
but differ in the emotional involvement in communicating versus speaking.
Level 1
Cliche - Superficial level of communication used when talking with strangers. We don't discuss anything significant because we are not trying to connect.
Level 2
Reporting Facts - A simple exchange of information. This frequently occurs in relationships when people only share the details of their day with each other.
A husband and wife can discuss various topics such as their children, work, dinner plans, and finances without engaging in more profound and significant conversations.
Level 3: Sharing of Ideas and Opinions
This phase of risk communication entails individuals expressing their thoughts or opinions. Disagreement can potentially result in conflict or rejection. Many individuals opt to avoid this stage and prefer to stay at Level 2 due to the difficulties it presents.
Degree 4
This level of risk involves expressing one's feelings to their partner. The challenge is that if a woman communicates her emotions to a man, he may blame himself for causing her to feel that way. Instead of listening, he may become defensive and start a conflict. People are usually comfortable sharing happy emotions at this level but hesitate with negative emotions.
Degree 5
Complete disclosure is the riskiest yet most rewarding level of intimacy. It entails uninhibited and honest sharing of one's deepest desires with their partner, regardless of popularity. When emotions are shared at this level, the partner responds with love, acceptance, and support to help resolve any issues.
Exercise: Fill out the chart below regarding your relationship's communication style.
To evaluate the communication in your relationship, observe the communication level during each stage with your spouse. Only select the
relevant stages and disregard any that are not applicable.
Communication Level in Different Stages of the Relationship
- When you initially meet your spouse
- One year after meeting your spouse
- On the day you married your spouse
- One year after the birth of your first child
- Five years into marriage li >
< li > Ten years into marriage li >
< li > Your current relationship li >
If you have noticed a change in communication level, what could potentially be causing this alteration? What type of communication level would you desire to have with your spouse? To sustain a healthy and satisfactory relationship, it is crucial to be mindful of our style of communication. Occasionally, we may unknowingly engage in negative patterns of communication. Virginia Satir introduces a model that highlights four styles of communication.
Four Negative Communication Manners
The four negative communication manners can be categorized as follows:
- Placater - This is the person who consistently responds with agreement in order to avoid conflict.
- Blaming - This individual constantly seeks out mistakes in what you say or do, and criticizes anything they can find fault with.
- Calculating - This person remains composed and believes they are always right. They never become emotional because they think they possess all the facts, which they will explain during the conversation. They tend to believe that their partner has lost sight of the facts due to their emotions.
- Distracting - When conversations become too conflicting, personal, or intimidating, this person frequently changes subjects.
Circle the Communication Style that best represents you:
Placater
Circle the Communication Style that best represents your Spouse:
- Placater
- Blaming
- Calculating
- Distracting
How do you believe either of your negative communication styles has affected the communication in your relationship?
Communication Styles Characterized by Animals
- Shark - The Rival
Gets what they want no matter what it takes by shouting, pouting, maintaining physical intimacy - whatever works. This type does not mind having conflict in the home.
- Bear - The Obliger
Keeps peace at any cost
- Fox - The Negotiator
Specializes in compromise so that everyone wins a little and everyone loses a little. Both Bear and Fox tend to walk away unsatisfied.
- Turtle - The Avoider
The Turtle believes that conflicts do not exist in relationships. Their partner tends to be a shark-style communicator. When faced with conflict, the Turtle becomes passive and withdrawn. Some individuals believe they have happy marriages because they are married to Turtles.
- The Owl - The Confederate
The Owl is a win-win person who strives to find a resolution for all. They tend to act with wisdom.
Exercise: Make a list of
the potential strengths and weaknesses of your animal-like communication style and that of your spouse.
Communication and Non-Verbal Cues
Communication goes beyond verbal language. It includes not only what you say and how you say it, but also how your body is reacting to your words. Research indicates that communication can be broken down as follows:
- 7% Words
- 24% Tone
- 69% Body Language and Facial Expressions
Reflection: Imagine if your spouse exclaimed, "I AM interested in what you're saying!" while simultaneously turning away from you to focus on their favorite TV show. Would you believe their words? The non-verbal cues would overshadow the actual spoken words.
Key Dynamics of Communication
Listening is one of the most important functions of communication there is. If both people are slow to listen and quick to talk, there will be chaos and lack of communication because there will be no understanding. There is a difference between HEARING and LISTENING!
- Hearing - the auditory response of sound
- Listening - the ability to hear, interpret, and understand
- Exercise: Give an example of how your partner may have heard something you said instead of listening to what you said:
- Listening involves commitment!
A commitment to understand, sympathize, to set aside one's own interests and biases long enough to see the relationship through the eyes of the other person. The goal of listening is to understand, learn, and enjoy helping.
- Listening involves compliment!
Because our partner listens, we tend to feel that
we matter.
Barriers to Listening
Most men dread hearing the words, "Can I talk to you about something?" or "We need to talk."
"They tend to ask themselves, 'What did I do now?' They fear that they will now have to engage in an activity that many of us are unprepared for - the art of effective listening.
- The following are barriers to listening that many of us engage in within our relationships:
- Mindreading - ignoring what is being said while trying to figure out what is meant. In other words, disregarding the obvious in favor of the fanciful.
- Rehearsing - preparing what is going to be said. You cannot listen when you are trying to put your argument together against your partner.
- Filtering - keeping the things that you do want to hear or that you do agree with and blocking out all you do not want to hear.
- Judging - Listening to criticize, to judge, and to find blame.
- Daydreaming - not paying attention or tuning the other person out.
- Advising - jumping in to try to fix the problem with a solution rather than listen to what the person is saying. Just because your partner has a problem does not mean that he/she wants you to fix it all the time!
- Exercise: Evaluate the following scenario.
Jesse is listening to his wife complain once again about the gas tank of their car being left on empty after he has driven it all weekend."While his wife provides a detailed account of who used the car over the weekend and when and where it was driven, he focuses on figuring out
who should have taken the responsibility of refueling the car's tank rather than listening to his wife's explanation.
After she finishes, he has already determined that the mistake in this whole issue was hers. Which barrier is Jesse using?
- Mindreading
- Rehearsing
- Filtering
- Judging
- Daydreaming
- Reding
Dynamics of Active Listening
- Step 1: Pay Attention. Listen without any barriers.
- Step 2: Paraphrase. Repeat your understanding of what your partner has said to you.
- Step 3: Clarify. Your partner will explain what they truly meant if you did not receive the intended message.
- Step 4: Reflect and Provide Feedback. The feedback should address what you just clarified with your partner. Address the facts and respond with your feelings about the communication.
The goal of communication is not to understand or convince your partner. Rather, the goal is to be heard and understood! Exercise: Choose a neutral topic to discuss with your partner and allow them to practice using the four Dynamics of Active Listening while you explain your topic. After you have taken your turn, allow your partner to do the same exercise. Write down the results of how this exercise unfolded and how active listening made each of you feel.
Despite being physically present in the same location, very few individuals truly connect when communicating. We often find ourselves on different wavelengths, resulting in a failure to reach a common understanding. While everyone desires intimacy with their partner, the challenges of effective communication often lead to avoidance and a lack of deeper connection. By communicating effectively, we enable our partners to understand us: our thoughts, emotions, and true selves.
We want
individuals to enter our realm of emotions so that we can intensify, support, assist, or simply enjoy them. Self-expression is the ability to give voice to one's emotional feelings. The only way to do this is through the process of self-awareness. You have to learn how you feel and what you are experiencing and then express it so that the other person can understand it. If you find yourself constantly saying, "You never listen to me," you might consider asking the question, "Am I listening to myself?" because you might be communicating in the wrong way.
The Pillars of Communication
The following charts are exercises to start learning about yourself so you can clearly articulate your issues.
Pillar #1: How to Express Yourself - Prepare to Talk
Exercise: Identify which commandments the following statements are violating (some may violate more than one).
Statement
Commandment Violated
- You have the biggest tummy in the whole class. Why can't you lose weight?
- You have one more time to hang the phone up on me before I walk out for good!
- I wish I would have known that you were this stubborn before I married you!
- I am very upset about the way you treated me yesterday. Why did you completely ignore me?
- This is just like when you almost had an affair three years ago. You've never changed!
- I can listen and do my paperwork at the same time. My hands are occupied, not my ears!
- Sometimes I think that you don't like me anymore. That's all I have to say.
- Maintain Eye Contact
- Lean in Close to the Person
- Nod and Give Short Verbal Affirmations
- Smile or Frown, Whichever is Appropriate
- Keep Your Position Open. Arms Unfolded, Towards Your Partner
- Actively Move Away From Distractions
How to Communicate with Your Body
The following are steps that you and your partner can take to communicate more effectively with your body language:
Exercise: Evaluate the following scenario:
Lynn surely thinks that she looks like she is listening to her spouse. She is seated in a comfy chair, tilting forward with her arms unfolded, and she is making direct eye contact with him. However, she is neither nodding nor shaking her head, she says nothing, and her face is deadpan.
Furthermore, when her spouse finishes speaking, Lynn remains in the same position, staring intently at him, but not saying a word. Her spouse believes that she is in a state of shock. What message is Lynn conveying to her spouse through her body language? "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who [are] spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted." - Galatians 6:1 Sometimes you are conversing with someone who has hurt you, but you must be willing to rebuild the relationship. However, if the aim of communication is not restoration, there truly
is no reason to speak. There are specific parameters for effective communication that each partner in a relationship should apply.
The Do's and Don'ts of Communication
- Don'ts
- Avoid being judgmental
- Don't expect too much in one session
- Refrain from bringing up your partner's past
- Do not butt in or be ill-mannered
- Avoid exaggerating with phrases like "you always" or "you never"
- Don't lose your temper
- Avoid pouting or giving the silent treatment
- Don't tell endless stories
- Do not engage in unnecessary competition
- Avoid thinking in terms of winning and losing
- Don't belittle your significant other
Exercise: Choose three Do's listed and identify the potential positive effects of these behaviors. Then, choose three Don'ts listed above and identify the possible negative effects of these behaviors.
Differences in the Way Men and Women Communicate
There are several differences in the communication styles of men and women.The text highlights that when men initiate a conversation, there is a 96% chance it will continue, while women only have a 36% chance. It also suggests that men's larger ego
influences what they receive and ignore during communication.
Work force
Women
- Women focus on accomplishment
- Women focus on relationship
- Women focus on working out problems with the facts
- Women like to share their feelings
- Women need an agenda when communicating
- Women tend to use intense adjectives
- Women tend to interrupt more
- Women tend to be more descriptive in conversation
- Women talk more in public settings than they do in private
- Women tend to speak more in small groups
- Women talk loudly and tell lots of stories
- Women speak more softly with focuses on fewer topics
- Women talk about reports
- Women talk about resonance
- Women assume they are sharing what they want revealed
- Women ask a lot of questions
- Women tend to be competitive in their dialogue
- Women tend to be cooperative
- Women tend to be solitary
- Women tend to be inclusive
- Women value information and intuition
- Women listen for what's important and for details
- Women need time to process their thoughts and feelings
- Women process immediately
- Some people say women are too emotional
- Some people say men are not sensitive enough
- Some people say women speak too much
- Some people say men don't listen
How God Broke Down Differences to
Communicate with Humanity
The embodiment was a divine example of communication that transcended differences.In John 1, the Word taught us that communication must be contemplative. The Word eloquently described God's experiences.
The word spoken by God was an exact representation of God Himself. It is important for us to carefully choose our words to accurately express what is happening within us. It is necessary to communicate in a way that is meaningful. In verse 14 (the Word became flesh and dwelt among them), God had to set aside His own interests in order to interact with us. This demonstrates the highest form of empathy, as God placed Himself in our circumstances.
The only way to understand our spouse is to put ourselves in their shoes. By doing this, we can effectively meet their needs. Communication should be logical. In verse 9, Jesus arrived to bring light or understanding. When we communicate, we should be revealing something.
One purpose of communication is to express oneself. Communication is real. John 1:17 demonstrates acknowledging the truth (what should be) and also recognizing the need for grace. All communication should have both truth and grace. Communication is relational. Philippians 2.5 shows that God intended to connect with us through Jesus Christ.
When we communicate in our relationships, the goal is to seek understanding rather than to be understood. Exercise: How does this lesson on godly communication impact your attitude about communicating with your spouse?
Getting Through to a Man: The Word Picture
How do you gain insight into a man's one-track mind? Use a word picture, as speaking directly to ego can be very risky! God employed this technique multiple times in the Bible, for
example, through the story of Hosea and in the narrative of Nathan the prophet with King David. Often, women attempt to attack a man's ego when talking to him. Men will not listen if you challenge them. Word pictures simultaneously activate a man's emotions and intellect.
Word pictures offer a way to engage with a subject by appealing to emotions and bypassing criticism. Developing an emotional word picture involves the following steps:
How to Develop an Emotional Word Picture
- Clearly identify the specific need or concern you want to convey.
- Identify related areas that your partner is highly interested in.
- Share enough information about these areas to generate their interest.
- Add a touch of curiosity.
- Use short questions to pique their curiosity further.
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