The Complexities Of Relationship Theology Religion Essay Example
The Complexities Of Relationship Theology Religion Essay Example

The Complexities Of Relationship Theology Religion Essay Example

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  • Pages: 10 (2749 words)
  • Published: October 9, 2017
  • Type: Essay
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and their contents:

Relationships are never easy. Differences arise and communication breaks down, making it difficult to resolve conflicts. Even seemingly perfect couples can struggle with insurmountable differences. Have you ever wondered about your partner's feelings or what women truly want? Finding answers can often leave us feeling lost. This chapter aims to help answer these important questions, offering insights into marriage.

While everyone is interested in marriage, few possess the mindset and skills needed for success. Unrealistic expectations of convenience and comfort make it challenging. Marriage is an institution of purpose, not just a desire for companionship. Many people desire marriage but just as many want to get out of it due to its inherent difficulties.

This statement is not biased but based on biblical teachings that acknowledge the troubles marriage brings (1 Corinthians 7:28).

The intricate differences between husbands and wives onl

...

y add to these challenges.

Maggie Scarf's book "Intimate Partners" suggests that opposites initially attract but eventually cause distance between partners.


However, these differences can also bring excitement and break the monotony of personal life. Nevertheless, individuals eventually come to appreciate their personal desires and lifestyles over time.

Within the confines of marriage, individuals may feel restricted and dissatisfied. Scarf outlines five stages in the relationship cycle: Euphoria (green zone), World (yellow zone), Conflict (red zone), potential resolution or deterioration through conflict resolution, and a critical decision-making point for self-preservation. When negotiating or encountering conflicts, relationships must weigh pros and cons to determine if there is potential for mutual satisfaction or future disaster. This phase can either establish a new rhythm or bring an end to an existing one.

Paul uses marriage as a metaphor when discussing

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covenant implications to symbolize God's relationship with His creation, which is highly regarded. In ancient times, divorce required a written decree due to the sacredness of marriage. Jesus later clarified that divorce was allowed not because it aligned with God's stance on breaking covenants but because it revealed the condition of the human heart. According to Christ, divorce should only occur in cases of infidelity and be a voluntary decision.

The Roman Catholic Church considers marriage a sacrament that bestows grace upon individuals. Both Catholicism and Protestant perspectives view matrimony as a means of receiving grace to forgive personal inadequacies within the marital relationship. However, Catholic clergy are prohibited from engaging in sexual and marital unions due to potential conflicts arising from cohabitation.In contrast, Protestants view marriage differently from Catholics. They see it not as a sacrament that grants saving grace but as a commitment reliant on divine grace. Martin Luther demonstrated this by marrying after breaking away from Catholic traditions. Marriage is widely acknowledged as one of the most challenging contexts for human relationships. The Apostle Paul advised those who could remain sexually pure to avoid entering into marriage, but also stressed that choosing marriage should not result in guilt. Marriage can create an environment where individuals struggle to maintain their identity and existence. Additionally, the difficulties faced in heterosexual relationships have played a significant role in the prevalence of homosexuality. Loving someone with differing inclinations can be tough when they differ from oneself. These differences become even more apparent considering that marriage is meant to be lifelong. It's possible that these differences may or may not be appreciated for the rest of one's life.

One potential solution is pursuing relationships with individuals who have fewer disparities, as it tends to be easier and simpler when both parties share the same sex. It's important to note that marriage in the Bible provides a framework for discussing God's covenant with the church and His relationship with Israel. The Bible even describes the wilderness as a "honeymoon experience" and mentions how God divorced Israel due to her unfaithfulnessDespite my personal experiences spanning over 50 years, including two marriages totaling over 25 years and several unsuccessful dating relationships, I have developed a particular perspective on relationships. This includes various types such as parental, sibling, dating, and marital connections that can bring both immense joy and immense pain. Marriage has positive and negative effects; it can be both humbling and hurtful.

In my opinion, time, maturity, the fundamentals of a healthy marriage, along with six acceptance factors play crucial roles in making a marriage successful. The following sections of this book will delve into these six factors in detail. Time is essential for accepting things that cannot be changed or attempting to change them.

Maturity is necessary to avoid perceiving differences as negatives. Furthermore, without establishing a foundation based on the fundamentals of a healthy marriage – even if all six acceptance factors are implemented –the marriage will ultimately fail.

This text highlights the similar way in which God operates on a higher level and His relationship with Israel. He demonstrates forgiveness and does not hold their flaws against them indefinitely. In the context of marriage, forgiveness, conflict resolution, humility,and sacrifice are crucial traditional aspects.I refer to these practices as acceptance - the ability to forgive, resolve

conflicts, and humble oneself without feeling superior to one's partner. Marriage requires compromise rather than just enjoyment, teaching individuals to sacrifice and let go of their ego. It is important for us to reconsider our idealistic views on marriage and understand its true nature. Unrealistic expectations often lead to disappointment among married couples because neither partner has clear expectations when entering into marriage, making it impossible to meet them. The complexity of marriage is supported by statistics. Research reveals that younger people in the U.S. who are getting married for the first time have a 40-50% chance of divorcing in their lifetime.Many first marriages that end in divorce occur within the first three to five years, with an average duration of 3.4 years for women aged 25 to 29 in 1990.Marital distress and divorce pose risks to both adults and children, leading to mental and physical issues.Poorly managed conflicts and negative interactions within a marriage can predict marital damage and negative consequences for children.Additionally, marital problems are linked to decreased work productivity especially among men.Studies indicate that early factors in a relationship can accurately predict the success or failure of a marriage, with accuracy rates ranging from 80% to 94%.The increasing number of couples who live together before getting married (estimated at approximately 60%) may contribute to higher divorce rates due to more relaxed attitudes towards marriage and divorce compared to the past. Money and children are commonly disputed topics in marriages, but how couples argue is more important than the specific subject of their disagreements. Married individuals, regardless of age, have a lower likelihood of being limited in activity due to illness compared to

those who are single, separated, divorced, or widowed. Children who live with a single parent or an adult experience higher rates of disability, restricted activity, poor health, and hospitalization. The combination of marital conflict, divorce, and non-marital births exposes American children to risks such as poverty, health issues, isolation,and antisocial behavior.These concerning statistics have negative impacts on everyone involved,p articularly the children.If you are feeling stressed about your marriage,it is important to understand that this is normal and can be overcome with the right tools,st attitude,and actions.You likely have more reasons than you realize for working on your marriage.Through my own experience in my second marriage,I have gained insight into what truly matters and what does not hold as much significance.I acknowledge that personal fulfillment and happiness cannot solely be derived from another person. While the term 'happy' is commonly understood, joy holds even greater strength as it originates from within oneself. Happiness depends on external circumstances, while joy arises from freedom from judgment and belief in an eternal life with God. Thus, achieving a state of 'joyousness' is an individual achievement that cannot be obtained through others due to their inherent self-centered nature. It is unrealistic to expect someone else to consistently bring us happiness in a relationship. If we are not content within ourselves, no one else can truly help us except provide temporary satisfaction that will eventually fade away. Many mistakenly confuse these fleeting states for personal happiness. True joy must come from within; it is a state solely created by the individual. Others may momentarily enhance our joy but cannot be our source of happiness. When people do good things for

us or treat us kindly, it brings us happiness; however, if they cease these actions, our sense of happiness is affected. This aspect leads me to believe that marriage should be seen as an institution of acceptance with positive implications. Nowadays, we often invest excessive emotions into marital relationships where our feelings often overpower the needs and desires of the other person.
In relationships, we often desire excessive attention and expect one person to sacrifice their own preferences for the other's needs. If this doesn't happen, it can be seen as a lack of love. This kind of relational manipulation involves using guilt and emotional threats to control others, which goes against the principle of acceptance. However, people cannot handle a lifetime of constant threats and guilt; eventually, they will seek freedom.

Even in our relationship with God, guilt is not used. Instead, God removes guilt and relies on selfless love to value us. He gives us space for reciprocation. As humans, we should create an atmosphere of acceptance that includes attitudes like forgiveness, conflict resolution, and humility. These three patterns are crucial for any relationship to withstand the destructive force of divorce.

Psychologist John Gottman's research focuses on why marriages fail or succeed. He emphasizes that divorce doesn't just come from having a volatile relationship but also from maintaining a ratio where negative experiences outweigh positive experiences by less than 5:1. Successful couples who avoid marital devastation exhibit this 5:1 ratio - for every five heated conversations or arguments there should be one intimate or loving moment of communication.

Gottman's research highlights the importance of tolerance in relationships.
In addition, my own observations as a marriage counselor for over

25 years align with his analysis regarding patterns, behaviors, and issues in divorcing couples. Marriage is a complex and emotionally charged institution that requires us to acknowledge guidelines. Effective communication, according to Gottman, plays a crucial role in this regard. By communicating with acceptance and compromise, we can avoid causing offense. Blaming others for our emotional state or behavior violates these guidelines, as seen in statements like "You hurt me!" or "You only think about yourself!" or "You make me so angry!". Approaching marriage from a religious perspective involves developing certain relational skills and attitudes that will be discussed later on. While all marriages face challenges, the quality of friendship within the relationship differentiates them. This foundation is based on shared meaning and purpose rather than just romance and contributes to vision, value, and a religious legacy. These elements are essential in bringing experiential value to marriage while prioritizing friendship over struggles. This is why I describe marriage as an institution driven by purpose rather than convenience. Long-term success in marriage requires intentional attitudes and behaviors that prioritize friendship and mutual fulfillment.The text emphasizes the importance of considering cultural context in family upbringing, as cultural shifts and evolving norms, beliefs, and values create uncertainty surrounding what constitutes a modern family. This ambiguity puts our families at risk. Paradoxically, the United States of America claims to be a Christian state but has the highest divorce rate globally. The Devil actively works towards ruining marriages and undermining people's inclination towards marriage because he understands that strong families are the foundation for a robust nation. His aim is to break them apart and weaken the country. With divorce

rates exceeding 60% in today's society and a decline in traditional nuclear families, many couples find themselves uncertain about how to navigate this challenging situation. In Matthew 19, Jesus addresses the Pharisees' question about divorce by stating that it should only occur due to infidelity: "After Jesus finished speaking, he left Galilee and traveled through Judea on the other side of the Jordan River.Large crowds followed him seeking healing for their sick."Some Pharisees approached Jesus with a question, trying to trap him: 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?' Jesus responded, 'Haven't you read that the one who created them at the beginning made them male and female?'

Jesus taught that when a man and woman marry, they become one flesh, joined together by God. They are no longer two individuals but a single entity. According to Jesus, what God has joined together should not be separated by anyone.

There were inquiries about why Moses allowed divorce and the issuance of divorce certificates. Jesus explained that it was due to the hardness of their hearts that Moses permitted divorce. However, this was not how it was originally intended.

Jesus added that whoever divorces their spouse and marries another commits adultery unless there is sexual immorality involved. Furthermore, whoever marries someone who is divorced also commits adultery.

The teachings of Jesus are based on the concept that once two people unite in marriage, it becomes challenging for them to separate because they have become one entity. It becomes impossible to leave when there is only one life within the marriage. If distinct lives still exist, then the bond between husband and wife has not

been properly formed.

When Jesus said "the two shall become one flesh," he primarily referred to sexual activity but also symbolized the emotional connection established between a man and woman when they come together intimately.Engaging in sexual activity strengthens emotional closeness, leading couples to be more likely to engage in such behavior when physically close. External influences often lead to relationship isolation as mentioned earlier. The importance of family is taught by history, with the Roman Empire being one of history's most influential empires. However, the decline of the Roman Empire eventually occurred due to decreased birth rates, men focusing on economics and conquering new civilizations, and motherhood losing its value. Homosexuality emerged as a way of life rather than an alternative lifestyle. In the first century, women enjoyed a level of freedom similar to present-day feminists. Just before Christianity arrived, moral and societal decay affected the Roman Empire, resulting in widespread divorce that weakened family institutions and undermined the values associated with family.Many researchers studying the fall of the Roman Empire believe that the decline of family played a significant role. This decline bears similarities to present-day society, where the erasure of gender differences is increasingly influential through a factor known as The Tender Gender Factor. The text suggests that there are several societal factors contributing to an increase in effeminate behavior among boys in America, including growing acceptance of alternate lifestyles, perceived hostility towards traditional gender roles, and parenting styles that encourage emotional dependency. Divorce and single motherhood are also seen as impacting boys' behavioral development. Some attribute this trend to feminist ideologies, citing Rush Limbaugh and Florence King as examples. However, it should

be noted that these perspectives may be subjective and not universally accepted. In his book "Bringing Up Malechilds: Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Determining the Following Generation of Men," James Dobson aims to alleviate the suffering of boys raised in an environment confused about gender roles and masculinity's denigration. According to Miss King, America's feminization has elevated emotions while condemning responsibility and achievement as cold-hearted.The celebration of prioritizing emotional decisions over ethical ones is known as having a "heart," according to the feminist movement. This movement promotes various ideologies surrounding gender differences, which include replacing stereotypes with sameness in different aspects of life such as home, church, and society. The focus on independence rather than interdependence is advocated as a lifestyle choice, where equal sharing of household chores is encouraged instead of sexual division. Personal values put emphasis on sexual freedom rather than restraint and encourage pursuing a career rather than solely being a spouse and mother. Additionally, feminist ideology calls for the reinterpretation of religion, history, and scientific information to align them with its views. These beliefs have had a significant impact on society globally. While personally opposing discrimination against women in both the workplace and religious institutions, it is acknowledged that each gender possesses distinct qualities and abilities. However, these differences are often neglected or underestimated due to limited understanding and acceptance at present.

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