Holden’s Cry for Help Essay Example

looks back at his past to look for things he could have changed. But Holden wishes that he took his brother with him because he knows then he would have more memories with him.

Holden never thinks about the good things he's done for Allie he only sees the negative. " What happened was, one day Bobby and I were going over to Lake Sedebego on our bikes. We were going to take our lunches and all, and our BB guns-we were kids and all, and we thought we should shoot something with our BB guns. Anyway, Allie heard us talking about it, and he wanted to go, and I wouldn't let him. I told him he was a child. So once in a while, now, when I'm depressed, I keep saying to him, "Okay. Go home and get your bike and meet me in front of Bobby's house. Hurry up. (Salinger 98)

Just because Holden remembers that Allie wanted to go with him that day he just wont let it go. It's almost as if he wishes he could turn back time just so that he could satisfy Allie. Holden describes the day after his brother's death, and how he is filled with such anger and loneliness, he punches through all the glass doors in his garage. This required him to go to the hospital, and unfortunately his stay at the hospital forced him to miss his brother's funeral. "When the weather's nice, my parents go out quite frequently and stick a bunch of flowers on old Allie's grave.

I went with them a couple of times, but I cut it out. In the first place, I

don't enjoy seeing him in that crazy cemetery. Surrounded by dead guys and tombstones and all. It wasn't too bad when the sun was out, but twice - twice - we were there when it started to rain. It was awful. It rained on his lousy tombstone, and it rained on the grass on his stomach. It rained all over the place. All the visitors that were visiting the cemetery started running like hell over to their cars. That's what nearly drove me crazy.

All the visitors could get in their cars and turn on their radios and all and then go someplace nice for dinner - everybody except Allie. I couldn't stand it. I know it's only his body and all that's in the cemetery, and his souls in Heaven and all that crap, but I couldn't stand it anyway. I just wished he wasn't there. " (Salinger 155-156) Although Holden couldn't actually make it to Allie's funeral he has high respect for him, and doesn't like it how so much people act like its not big deal that he is there. He thinks that although Allie isn't alive anymore he still gets left out.

Holden hated going to the cemetery to see him because it made him depressed and he hated seeing Allie in that position. When its around Christmas time Holden walks through Fifth Avenue NY alone thinking about how much better it was when he brought his little sister with him last year, and how Phoebe kept making him laugh. " All of the sudden, something very spooky kept happening. Every time I came to the end of the block and stepped off

a goddam curb, I had this feeling that I'd never get to the other side of the street.

I thought I'd just go down, down, down, and nobody'd ever see me again... Then I started doing something else. Every time I'd get to the end of the black I made believe I was talking to my brother Allie. I'd say to him, "Allie, don't let me disappear. Allie, don't let me disappear. Allie, don't let me disappear. Please, Allie. " And then when I reached the other side of the street without disappearing I'd thank him. " (Salinger 198) When Holden is alone he can barely even concentrate on one thing because he starts thinking of depressing thoughts, causing him to lose focus.

He can't think about Phoebe without thinking about the loss of his brother, it just makes him sad because the three of them had so many memories together, and now that he's gone he tries to run away from the truth and make it seem like Allie is still here when he is really not. Holden even takes Phoebe to the zoo and she goes on the carousel and it made him smile because of the good memories he has there with Allie. In this novel, Holden has an extremely difficult time facing reality, but he has an even harder time coping with Allie's death. Allie obviously played an extremely large role in his life.

It was almost as if that when Allie past away he felt like he didn't have anybody because he was just so depressed and that was all that he could think of. He had difficulty facing the truth. But throughout

this novel his respect towards Allie increases to the point that he doesn't like when even a bad thought is laid upon him. Holden talked to Allie even though he wasn't really there because he didn't want to let him go. The loss of Allie changes Holden's outlook on life and others in a negative way, causing him to feel nothing but guilt, frustration, and loss of concentration.