Tracing My Development from Infancy to Adulthood Essay Example

not show affection at all. My mother on the other hand loved me and would provide care and whatever means to make me happy. As a 7yr old boy in china, I was often timid, lacked ambition and unassertive. I remember I needed my friend who was only a year older then me to walk me to school.

That is the extent of my timidity and lack of self-esteem. I am just so grateful that there was not really many bullies in the Chinese school that I went to. If there were ever bullies I was able to escape from their radar and so was able to survive that phase of my life. When all of these unhappy childhood experiences were happening to me, another change occurred in my life that came as a jolt. When I was 8 years old my parents decided to immigrate to the United States. My family soon did go and we left China to seek a better life in a foreign country.

I thought that somehow my life would be better in America. But it turned out that my parents had to work harder in this new country. Since we are immigrants we have to prove something. So my father had less and less time to spend with his son. It is such a painful thing to think about since I somehow like my Dad. He is hairy like me and we kind of share the same features although I inherit my height from my Mom. So we settled in Los Angeles. Again, I grew up along side my brother and sister. My father and mother worked 12 hr days. I

did not have many friends then.

From elementary to High School I pretty much went to school and came straight home afterwards. My brother and sister had their own life and their friends. While I pretty much drifted without guidance and purpose in life. It is just now that I realized the impact of my Dad has upon my life. Thus it is hard for me to follow the ideas of Sigmund Freud. Looking at the information found in the interview like things like breastfeeding, taking care of my hygiene etc. There is no indication that my problem as a timid person and lacking direction in my life can be blamed for what happened in my infancy.

If I will be asked what really is the cause of my entire psychological problem – if it can be called that way – can really be traced on how my Dad treated me as a child and as a person. Thus, the best idea that can be used to explain my problem is not the overly complex theories of Freud but surprisingly it is a simple set of ideas. And these ideas are found in a poem that if I remember correctly was already popular when I was not even born yet. The poem is called the “Ten Commandments of Child Rearing”. The words contained in that poem are really true.

I have yet to find one person that would disagree to what was said there. Most importantly the explanation to why a person grew up dysfunctional is accurate. Take for example the verse that says, “If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. ” The first

time I read that line I exclaimed that whoever the author of this poem, a genius. It spoke directly to me – piercing my heart. Another aspect of my father’s behavior that influenced my life is my father’s indecisiveness. He seems to be moving in slow motion. He does not want to go fast. He is very slow and tedious.

It will take him forever to finish a meal. And when he brushes his teeth that would take a long time too; I always have to wait for him to finish what he is doing. It was very frustrating. So now that I am grown up I do not feel like waiting for somebody. My impatience stems from that frustration. But not everything that happened to me was all bad. There was a time when I feel a little bit good about myself. I was actually considered a good student in High school, attending class everyday and completing homework on time. Then when I finished High School it all came back.

The feeling of insecurity, fear, and that nagging feeling of having no purpose in life, was haunting me once again. I tried my best to correct that problem. So after graduating high school I went on to Cal state university. Although I had a major I was never sure if that was what I really wanted. So I began to journey through my college life – aimlessly. I finished all my GE courses but could not make up my mind to do the rest. I often was just able to get by with a passing grade in college, never excelling. When faced with difficulty in class,

I often steer away and eventually dropping out the class.

I stayed in the college for 4 then I have to quit. I ended dropping out of college after 4 years and bounced around working at minimum wage jobs. I had a serious relationship for two years; that was back in college. She broke it off because she did not like the idea that I do not have a plan with my life. I dated on and off but often preferred hanging with my guy friends. I guess I am afraid of commitment now. Now after four years of being out of school I came back and decided to be a nurse. I guess being twenty eight, I am not getting any younger and I need a career. Conclusion I did not receive proper guidance, especially from my father.

Even though my parents loved me very much, they were just not around much to motivate me or guide me. As a traditional Chinese family, my parents were not very affectionate, especially my father. His idea of teaching is through yelling and physical punishment. When I do some simple mistakes he would shamed me in front of many people. If I drop my chopsticks he would really get mad at me. That was very difficult to understand. Why is it that he is harsh when in fact I did not do anything serious? The sad thing is when I do something great or if I survive the day without doing anything foolish, my father does not connect with me.

I would envy others who have Dads who will play with them and tell them stories. Deep down inside I

know he loves me but he never would show it to me. And that is the greatest mistake. It has changed my life. I do not know if this behavior or mindset of mine can be reversed. I never got the love and attention I needed from my father. Till this day, I do not talk to him at all. This problem with my father has grown deep in my heart and mind. The effects are sometimes so difficult to analyze. Now I realize that the best teacher is the father. This is especially true for a son.

There are so many things in this world that could not be clearly understood without the guidance of a Dad. This partially explains why I cannot commit with a woman. My father was not there to teach me about women and how to deal with that aspect of my life. It did not help that my parents did not have a happy marriage. Some night I would see my mother crying, not because she missed him. I know this for sure because during those times my father was not away on a trip he was home. The problem of mine having no direction or sense of purpose in life can be explained by not receiving any affirmation from my father.

In the poem a beautiful verse says, “If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. ” For me if a child truly lives with affirmation and hears the praises of his father that child will not only appreciate the world around him but most importantly he will learn to appreciate himself. But I did not have that

opportunity or privilege. So I am drifting to life not knowing what I am good at. And since I do not know what I am good at then what will I focus on. Besides, if I will try to excel there was no one in my life who was appreciative of such efforts. I just hope that all these are temporary. I know someday I will find help.