Personal Experience 2:35 a. m. Even though it was something that I had experienced before, the pain still took me my surprise. And it was only the beginning. I had finally fallen asleep around midnight.
My parents had come down to Indiana for a weekend visit and we had stayed up a little late enjoying our visit with each other after the boys had gone to bed. There were two bedrooms in my little apartment and I had given them the use of mine, deciding to sleep with my two children in the other room.Being two weeks overdue with my third child and still working full-time as a waitress, I practically passed out when my head finally touched the pillow. That is, until a bad cramp woke me from my peaceful slumber.
Stil
...l groggy from sleep I thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. 2:48 a. m. This time the grogginess was no longer there.
From previous experience I knew it was only a matter of time, I just didn’t know how much longer it would be. Not wanting to wake up my children, I decided to go lay out on the couch. At least this way I could be uncomfortable in peace.As tired as I was I couldn’t go back to sleep. Every time I tried it seemed as though I would just close my eyes and the pain would come again. That kind of pain is definitely not something that I could easily sleep through.
As happens many times when I am unable to sleep, I started thinking about all of the events leading up to my present situation and wha
I was going to do now. While going through a nasty divorce eleven months earlier, I found myself unwittingly drawn to one of the men that I worked with. He wasn’t the type of person that I would normally want to be with; he was irresponsible and an alcoholic.However, he knew all the right things to say and the right times to say them.
You see, my ex-husband was abusive in every way and my self esteem took the biggest blow. After being told for years that you’re damaged good and that nobody will ever want you, you start to believe it. Anyway, here was a man who thought that I was beautiful and sexy, and didn’t mind the fact that I had two children from a previous relationship. With everything else that was going on in my life, he was the perfect thing to come along.
Someone who was able to give me back a lot of the things that my ex had taken from me.During the short time that we were together, Jeff gave me a lot of comfort. When my ex was fighting for custody of our children and, with the help of his parents and their money, was actually able to get them, my whole life spun out of control. And of course, Jeff was there to help.
The only time that I was sober was while I was at work and the times when I got to see my children. From there marijuana became a huge part of my everyday life also. My life was quickly going down the drain and I truly didn’t have a care in the world.
Why should I? The children that I alone had raised were plucked right out of my arms.No longer could I tuck them into bed every night and comfort them with every fall. So what else did I have to live for? Two days before my divorce was finalized I found out that I was pregnant.
This seemed to be impossible since I had taken the necessary precautions to prevent this from happening. And how in the world was I going to support myself and a newborn baby. I had no delusions. I knew that Jeff would not be around, no matter what he said to the contrary. Then I realized that I was going to have this baby, for I didn’t believe in abortion and there was no way I could carry a child and be able to give it up to a stranger.That’s when I really started to panic because I remembered all of the abuse that I had recently put my body through and I was terrified at the effect it would have on my unborn child.
It was this realization that prompted me to make a huge change in my lifestyle. 4:18 p. m. I was really hoping that with this being my third child that the labor would not have lasted this long. And you’d think that it would be easier, but it’s not. But one look at the precious bundle of joy lying in my arms is enough to make you forget everything.
And that’s the time when everything suddenly becomes clear.No matter what happens to me in this world I have wonderful parents who will always be there for
me. My children, whether with me or their father, will always want and need me. It doesn’t really matter where they live, or who they live with. They will always need their mother, just as I still need mine. Nothing in life is certain, except that there will be both good times and bad.
And how you handle the bad determines how many good times there will be. I finally realized that I didn’t need a man to make me complete, for I could do that all on my own. All I need is my family and God and all else will eventually fall into place.
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