At the Thailand refugee camp school, during my eighth grade, I met Eh Soe at a friend's birthday party. We were both teenagers, with him being fourteen years old and me being thirteen, facing the difficulties that come with youth and immaturity.
When they arrived at the party, I couldn't help but admire how attractive he and his friends looked as a group. The idea of getting to know them intrigued me. Among all of them, he stood out with his charming smile and appealing appearance. At first, I hesitated to approach him, but eventually mustered up the courage to ask about his ethnicity.
Although he stands out in terms of physical appearance compared to other young men, he shares similarities with me. Our acquaintance started at a birthday party where we spent time together and discovered numerous shared interests an
...d commonalities during our conversations. Before saying goodbye, we exchanged phone numbers. The following day, he reached out and we had a conversation that lasted for hours. Instantly, I developed strong feelings for him because of his sweet and captivating voice.
Following four months of phone conversations, we eventually arranged to meet in person. Our chosen meeting spot was Kaw Yam Mu Poe lay Park, situated close to the river. Upon arrival, we engaged in a lengthy conversation that appeared to last for hours. Eventually, silence fell upon us and we sat together, quietly observing the flowing water.
While celebrating my friend's birthday, he surprised me by grabbing my hand and looking directly at me. He asked a question that took me by surprise - he wanted to know if I would trust him with my heart. This questio
startled me because even though I had strong feelings for him and wanted to be in a relationship, I was overwhelmed with anxiety because I had never been in love before. Feeling unprepared for a romantic journey, I honestly replied: "I am not ready."
The man's emotions swiftly shifted from joy to sorrow, leading him to cease speaking. He released my hand and distanced himself from me. Unsure of how to proceed, I trailed behind him, attempting to lighten the mood with a joke. In an effort to console him, I uttered, "If you don't receive reciprocated love from the individual you adore, there is nothing at risk."
"Gosh! I was so foolish. He never returned my call and I never did either. I believed I did nothing incorrect, as I expressed my opinions and emotions to him. Several days went by."
Over time, the passage of time changed to weeks and months. It wasn't until years later that I had a chance to meet him again at the Karen New Year festival in Akron, Ohio. When I approached him, I greeted him and he smiled back. Unsure if he had forgiven me for our previous meeting, he surprised me by inviting me to join him for a walk. As we talked, we started reminiscing about the past.
Sharing stories of our final year in school, time seemed to fly by. It felt as if we only had a few hours together, but I was astonished at how quickly the moments passed. The fact that he was finally talking to me again added to my surprise and happiness.
Eventually, our conversation concluded and we bid farewell with a warm hug.
He informed me that he would be departing Akron the following day since he had relocated to New Jersey in the past year. This news left me feeling disappointed and saddened because I came to realize that I wouldn't have another opportunity to see him.
Despite not being in a romantic relationship, we had an incredibly strong bond as best friends. Our main form of communication primarily consisted of phone calls, and there was a promise made to consistently reach out to each other. As time went on, my emotions towards him grew more intense and I had a gut feeling that he loved me just as much. Whenever I faced stress or difficulties, he possessed the talent of brightening the atmosphere by making humorous comments that would temporarily alleviate my problems.
Despite being in different stages of our education (I was in my third year in the United States and he was in his second year), we continued talking on the phone for three more years. However, despite keeping frequent communication, we hadn't met since that final day of celebrating Karen New Year. Over time, my feelings for him intensified significantly and the idea of losing him brought me immense distress.
Feeling overwhelmed one night, I gathered the courage to express my emotions to him. I reached out and he responded with a simple "Hello?". After exchanging pleasantries and discussing his day, he mentioned being occupied with homework. This piqued my curiosity, leading me to inquire about why he had been staying up late. However, apprehension held me back from disclosing my genuine feelings towards him. Doubt arose because of an incident that occurred three years ago.
Initially,
I declined to participate in the plan. Nonetheless, after a three-month period, he reached out to me and expressed interest in meeting during his visit to town. Subsequently, we decided to watch a movie together. Following our outing, he inquired about my affection towards him and whether or not I loved him. Reluctant to disclose my genuine emotions, I replied stating that I had no feelings for him due to apprehension over how he might react.
After quietly returning to my place, he left me a message the next day before leaving. The message was meant for my one and only beloved, inquiring if they truly grasped the depth of my love for them and their importance in my life. I conveyed my immense affection, disclosing that every night I prayed for their well-being and offering unwavering support and protection. Ever since our initial meeting, I have been deeply in love with them.
You possessed a combination of physical attractiveness and an exceptional character, resulting in a remarkable friendship for which I am grateful. While I desired a deeper relationship, I recognize and appreciate your lack of interest in it.
Although I have felt profound affection and a powerful connection of friendship with you at times, my love for you is unwavering. I am here to offer comfort and support during challenging moments. Please know that my love and loyalty are reserved solely for you, and no other girl can take your place in my heart.
After reading a touching note from Eh Soe, I was filled with intense emotions. Tears came to my eyes, causing a tingling feeling. His immense love for me allowed me to grasp the
extent of his affection. Wanting to convey my own feelings, I tried contacting him but learned from his roommate that he hadn't come back yet. Understanding the delay, I decided to reach out to him the following day and express my sentiments in return.
When I tried to reach out to him the next day, his phone kept ringing nonstop. Eventually, his roommate picked up and shared some heartbreaking news: Eh Soe had gotten into a car accident caused by drunk driving. Upon hearing this, my heart stopped, and I struggled to catch my breath.
I wept and murmured to myself, questioning, "Why did you engage in such actions?" He greatly complicated my existence by departing. Presently, I yearn to encounter him as I did previously and desire to converse with him as before, yet this possibility eludes me. There exists no individual capable of bringing me joy comparable to what he provided. Each instance that his absence is felt, I retrieve his last message and peruse it inwardly. It appears as though he is directly addressing me, allowing me glimpses of his visage and hearing his voice through the power of written words.
I feel regret for not confessing my love to him on time, which makes me sad because I never expressed my feelings before he died. I acknowledge the strong love he had for me, and I still love him completely. His memory is always in my mind, and I firmly believe that his love for me continues.
I patiently anticipated his resurrection, yearning for the opportunity to confess my love. Presently, my love for him resides steadfastly within my heart. His message assured me, "No
other girl can fill my void." Accordingly, I shall declare that "No other boy can replace him either."
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