What Is Relationship Addiction Theology Religion

essay A

Get Full Essay

Get access to this section to get all the help you need with your essay and educational goals.

Get Access

Any dependence is a compulsive demand. When you have relationship dependence, you have a compulsive demand to be in a relationship whether it is good or bad for you.

Sadly, many relationship nuts end up in opprobrious relationships, because they will set up with perfectly anything merely to be in a relationship.

As with any dependence, the first measure to recovery is to recognize that you have a job. The following measure, is to analyze why you have the job. It is besides of import to look at the consequence this dependence is holding on you and the people near to you.

In this usher, I will foremost indicate out the “ symptoms ” of relationship dependence and so will go on with ways to retreat yourself from the dependence.

Relationships may get down out normal and healthy. The alteration can be so gradual that the nut does non gain that the one time normal healthy relationship has become a irresistible impulse.

Chapter 2. Types of Love

There are many different types of love, understanding these, may assist you analyze your ain position of love.

Compassionate Love

Compassion is to me, the most beautiful love word of all. If you compassionately love person, you non merely love without opinion and or status but you are besides wholly empathic to that individual ‘s fortunes.

Unconditional love.

Unconditional love is normally the manner parents will love their progeny. Most parents continue to love their kids in a heartfelt way, no affair what they do.

Conditional love.

Conditional love can be ascribed to most relationships that we choose that we are non born into. We love our friends and spouses due to certain traits. Our love is conditional. The love may stop when one of the people goes beyond the recognized conditions. Conditional love is non needfully bad, it is really a good thing. It protects us from being abused for our love.

Unfortunately, conditional love has an unkind side to it. Often in relationships where a individual suffers physical or mental disablement, they are left entirely, as the spouse or friend feels this is beyond the conditions of their love.

Infatuation

When person is infatuated they normally put the object of their love on an unrealistic base. Infatuation can be likened to a drug high or how an athlete feels when viing. Usually infatuation diminishes with clip and the love develops. Infatuation is a good thing, it is what drives us into new relationships. Infatuation nevertheless, can be a job, when the other individual does non return the feeling or when we become addicted to the feeling.

Eros

Eros is a romantic love, an titillating love. It ‘s a really animal type of love, based on visual aspects and lovers are chosen by intuition,

It “ feels ” right, titillating lovers experience the feeling of falling in love at first sight. Once this love develops there is a feeling of euphory as if the universe is a brighter and sweeter topographic point because of cognizing the other individual. Peoples in this province of love can non acquire plenty of each other both physically and emotionally. Pet names are used. There is a batch of touching ; it is the demand for reassurance for giving every bit good as having pleasance.

It is a fantastic feeling but sadly experts say this love is normally non sustained some of the grounds being the phantasy of the perfect individual, perfect relationship, and the attractive forces which in the beginning were so strong, have on off, the expression is “ the honeymoon is over ” , on norm it lasts for about 2 old ages.

Ludus

Ludus is frequently practised more by the male gender than the female gender. These lovers are participants. To feed their demand, they like to play the field and measure regulations over quality, it ‘s really of import that they are the heartbreakers instead than the other manner around. This love is a competition. Ludic lovers do non keep matrimony in high regard, as it curtails the merriment had as a individual individual, most frequently they commit unfaithfulness. The purpose is to win the other individual ‘s worship and one time the other individual shows involvement, the competition is over and the individual starts looking for their following contestant. This love is more for the bang of the pursuit than an existent relationship.

Storge

Storge can be described as a love that is built up bit by bit. The twosome are normally friends ab initio who learn to esteem and care for each other. Many people think of this love as instead tiring but it can be a really happy province of being, if both people in the relationship are mature plenty to recognize that passion is non traveling to go on everlastingly. Children bond the matrimony together ; it ‘s a committedness, non born out of the demand for sex but instead to legalize the relationship between them. I know a twosome who married had two kids lived together for 20 old ages, one twenty-four hours he told his married woman that he was and had ever been in love with a married neighbor, they divorced but continued to portion the same house, non because of fundss but because they were so comfy together, their friendly relationship, the fact that they cared for each other and the regard they felt they each deserved, was plenty to with stand the dissolution of the legality of the matrimony. Most merrily married twosomes may get down with an Eros type love that develops into Storge. Storge is a happy contentment coupled with security.

Pragma

If you know the word matter-of-fact so I am certain that you have an thought what Pragma love is. The love is reasonable and thought from the caput. It is undemonstrative and lacks emotion. Matter-of-fact lovers are practical, and realistic, matter-of-fact lovers see the relationship and or matrimony as a concern agreement, sex is merely truly necessary for reproduction or even held back to be rewarded for a worthy title. Marriage and kids can be seen as liabilities and assets.A Pragmatic love can be really good and can work good, every bit long as neither individual in the twosome has a demand for more emotional romantic love. Some arranged matrimonies fall into this class, due to the assorted civilizations practising the art of taking couples for their kids, twosomes are “ forced ” into matter-of-fact love, yet they accept their “ batch in life ” as this pattern has come down through the ages and it is expected of them. More late in the twentieth and twenty-first century immature grownups have tried to stand up to tradition and do their ain picks.

I think a great illustration of Pragma love is in the comedy series “ Big Bang Theory ” , Sheldon and Amy Farrah Fowler both are non into emotion and esteem each other ‘s mind. Thingss do get down to travel a spot askew when Penny starts desiring more love affair.

Mania

This is ne’er a good thing. Frenzied lovers normally suffer from low ego regard, hence the relationship is really of import to them ; they need their spouses to deliver them from themselves and declare ownership of their spouses. The act of unfaithfulness is normally non an option for fright of being caught. The demand to be loved is intense and there can even be jealousy towards the kids, they can be dying and insecure. Sexual intercourse is used as a reassurance of love but the downside is, the more reassurance that is needed the more insatiate, covetous and genitive they become. This is the type of love that stalkers have. In a relationship it normally leads to violence as there is a great trade of green-eyed monster and possessiveness. Sadly many people mistake irresistible impulse with love.

Agape

This love is an unselfish love for your spouse. Agape love is an all embracing love, frequently experienced by religious and spiritual individuals, they are self giving and view their spouses as approvals, and they have a great desire to take attention of their spouses. In the event of a interruption up Agape lovers will stay faithful to their spouses to avoid aching them. Sexual activity is a gift between two people, kids and matrimony are sacred. Lovers in an agape relationship love unconditionally and this can do them to pretermit themselves and their ain demands are non fulfilled. Agapic love is generous to a mistake and may do the spouse to experience guilty of even incompetent. Often when one spouse in a matrimony starts to distance themselves the other may still go on to love even though it is unrequited at the current clip.

It is different to unconditioned love. There are still conditions. If the one spouse is holding an matter the other may state that they will remain in the relationship and continue to care for the individual every bit long as they are distinct. This aberrant signifier can coerce the individual into going a sufferer, which unacceptable and this relationship is unhealthy, taking to all kinds of psychological injury.

Epithumia

This love is a desire driven love. It is of Greek beginning, a love based on many kinds of strong desire. Mostly it is associated with lecherousness, but can be used as a agency to hold and to have, to command the relationship. It is frequently used to maintain a spouse in a relationship where there is no existent emotional connexion. This can do the spouse to experience uncomfortable and do them to withdraw from relationship. If both of the spouses experience Epithumia love, strong bonds or fond regards are formed if it is experienced during sex, this will do them to go engrossed in their love devising, with a strong desire to delight each other altruistically. Unfortunately lust becomes harder and harder to prolong if it is all the relationship is based on.

Epithumia relationships are at their worst when in the custodies of psychopathologic twosomes. Couples that together enticement and molest their victims have a changeless demand to increase the corruption to prolong their Epithumia love.

Phileo

While Phileo is a beautiful love in a relationship based on a soft fondness for each other, it is non unselfish and expects a response. Phileo Love encompasses friendly relationship, relationship, communicating, sharing, and chumminess ; it is a trusting and close company. Phileo love means both spouses expect this lovingness to be requited. Phileo lovers confide in each other wholly, speaking about their frights, demands even the most intimate 1s. There are no secrets between them. I think Phileo love best describes flower power of the 60 ‘s and the 70 ‘s with the love kids and the flower peoples.

Companionate Love

This love is non physical but based on reciprocally basking holding each other ‘s company. Companies can be formed from the most improbable beginnings and frequently fulfils the demand for contact with another human being.

Puppy Love

Puppy love as the name insinuates is an immature and naif love of person that the individual barely knows. While the crush lasts the individual idolises the other in a really unrealistic manner.

Maternal Love

This is the type of love that shields, helps the receiving system grow and learn. It is non merely limited to female parents, a male parent can besides love his kid this manner as can a instructor or a wise man.

Paternal love

This love type of love revolves around taking the kid in the right way and disciplining. This love to is non specifically a parents ‘ it and it is non gender based either.

Soulmate Love

We may mention to our nearest and dearest as being our soulmate. However technically if you do non believe in reincarnation you really can non utilize the term soulmate. Soulmate love is defined as a love that carries on through each reincarnation of the psyche. In each life-time you are destined to run into once more and go soulmates once more.

Religious or Divine Love

This is the type of love that a individual feels for a devine being or a God. They love like a kid believing that this being is watching over them.

Patriotism

This love for the topographic point you live. It may be the state of your birth or a state you emigrate to but you love populating in this topographic point and experience proud to be at that place.

Amour propre

This is when you truly experience good about yourself. You genuinely care for yourself. It is healthy as you take good attention of your ain bosom and you in bend expect other people to handle you good.

Brotherly love

This type of love pertains to experiencing love for all human existences. Feeling that we are all one this love has a batch in common with being compassionate.

Tough Love

This is a really difficult type of love. Peoples who feel responsible for person else may hold to rehearse tough love when they see that individual is heading for catastrophe. It is normally associated with taking strong action when person is enduring from a earnestly damaging dependence.

Chapter 3 Why, are people addicted to relationships?

There are different types of relationship dependence.

Relationship drug addicts break up and get down new relationships because they want that initial infatuation “ high ” . The 2nd type Lashkar-e-Taiba ‘s name them wanters stay in a relationship regardless of what the individual does because they have a fright of being entirely. The 3rd type is mania lovers they fixate their love so severely on a individual that they will make anything for that relationship.

It is enormously the mistake of our familial make-up that people become relationship drug addicts.

To guarantee that our species continues to reproduce we experience great chemical reactions in our organic structures when meeting person for the first clip. The euphory of infatuation releases the same endorphins as those that are released when a drug taker takes a strong drug for the first clip.

They say the experience is so sensational that the drug taker is invariably seeking to acquire that same feeling once more. A relationship drug addict is making the same thing.

Wanters have frequently been deserted by person close to them in their childhood. They carry that loss through to their grownup life and are determined to make anything to guarantee that their spouses do non go forth them. They are addicted to being in a relationship because they are convinced that if the individual leaves them their life will fall apart. Sadly their lives normally fall apart because they stay in relationships irrespective of what happens.

The undermentioned narrative is a true narrative but I have changed the adult female ‘s name. Annie had a lovely small house, a good occupation and a new auto. She lived entirely with her girl. Then she started to hold a arrested development on holding a relationship with a certain adult male. He is a drug nut and can non maintain a occupation. Annie sent her girl to populate with her male parent. Annie finally lost everything and became a drug nut herself. At times relationship dependence can go fixated on one individual. No affair how bad this individual is, the addicted does non look to be able to see past their ain passion for that individual. I have ne’er been able to happen a proper cause for this adult females ‘s relationship dependence. She had lovely parents, I was in close contact with her parents for many old ages and they seemed to hold a really healthy relationship. All I can reason is that it must hold been an utmost chemical attractive force. Possibly merely seeing this adult male triggered the endorphins in her encephalon.

Peoples who were abused when they were kids frequently associate love with the maltreatment. They unhappily go into their grownup lives seeking out opprobrious spouses as they have a warped thought of what love and fondness is.

Addiction to a sexual relationship is frequently formed when the kid grows up in a really sexually inhibitory place. Sexual activity is non looked at in a normal visible radiation and the individual grows to being turned on and guilty at the same clip. Childhood or teenage maltreatment can besides take to a sexual relationship dependence.

Television shows such as soap operas give young person the incorrect message sing love and relationships. They start to look for relationships that are highly emotional. Young people wrongly think that a love must be dramatic and you must make everything to maintain that love. Physical properties are highlighted in shows like this alternatively of intellect and emotional adulthood. Not merely are kids larning to tie in love falsely they are non larning what defines a nice human being.

Chapter 4 Obvious Signs You ‘re a Relationship Addict

I am traveling to unite all the types of relationship dependences into the obvious marks that you are an nut.

If your spouse is opprobrious but you continue to remain and do alibis for him or her.

If your spouse is continuously unfaithful but you stay and act as if nil is go oning.

If your spouse has a unsafe dependence such as gaming, taking drugs or imbibing and you do non acknowledge that there is a job

If your spouse is stealing from you and you turn a blind oculus and hope that he or she is non traveling to go forth when the money runs out.

If you are in a new relationship every few hebdomads.

If you are with person and you are already plotting who you are traveling to day of the month following.

If you continuously kick about your spouse but you are shocked when people suggest that you leave him or her.

If your spouse who has merely treated you awfully tells you he or she is go forthing and you beg that they do n’t.

If there is a domestic force study and the constabulary arrive and want to take your spouse off and you insist that you fell down the steps.

If you start following your spouse around.

If you purposely fall pregnant to seek and maintain your spouse from go forthing you.

If you pretend to be diagnosed with malignant neoplastic disease in the hopes that your spouse will remain out of commiseration.

If you intentionally interrupt a limb in the hopes that your spouse will remain with you and look after you.

If you physically keep your spouse with turnups to forestall them from go forthing you.

If you think you would instead decease than allow your spouse leave you.

If you think you would instead kill your spouse than allow him or her be with anybody else.

If you start pretermiting the people closest to you to be with this individual.

If you start jumping work to be with the individual and even hazard losing your occupation.

If your relationships are merely based on sex.

Chapter 5 Obsessive and Pathological behavior

When does our demand for a relationship go an compulsion?

When in order to carry through this demand we start to give all our clip and involvement to the relationship and we neglect all other cardinal relationships and committednesss.

Relationship dependence is one of the most common dependences. The job is that most people do non recognize that they are addicted or that it is a job.

My girl ‘s friends mother whom I mentioned earlier, became so addicted that she would state things like, “ You better non mess this up for me, “ to her girl and finally shipped her girl off to populate with her male parent because she irritated her fellow.

This behavior is flooring and difficult for us to understand but obsessional love starts to overrule everything even maternal love. The individual losing all touch of pragmatism they see the individual on whom they are projecting their love as being the lone individual capable of doing them happy.

The media we are subjected to on a day-to-day footing is mostly to fault we are invariably bombarded with wholly unrealistic projections of what a relationship should be and should intend to us.

Nature is besides partially the job for adult females. In caveman times we needed strong and aggressive work forces for endurance. They had to be good huntsmans and defenders. I chemistry has non wholly caught up with modern times that is why many adult females are attracted to and obsessive about “ bad male childs ”

A bad relationship is compulsive and acerb. Unfortunately the relationship nut does non understand that the relationship is bad and has nil to make with love.

The biggest sarcasm is that the relationship nut wants to derive control of his or her life but they normally end up waiving all control of their lives in favor of the individual who is the object of their desire.

Some relationship addicts acquire a boot out of the understanding that they get. They enjoy sharing how severely abusive their spouses are to acquire attending.

As the dependence progresses the highs or depressions that the nut will fall back to in order to keep the relationship can go shocking. The corruption that relationship nuts can drop to is difficult to grok. Peoples who were thought of as harmless have entered into relationships with sociopaths a good illustration of this is Ian Brady and Myra Hindley. Psychiatrists that have studied the instance believe that Myra would non hold harmed people had she non met Brady.

Even in a relationship based on rational and emotional adulthood at that place needs to an facet of physical attractive force for the relationship to work nevertheless the worship of physical properties in society has made it go much more of import than it should be. Children are non larning to understand the true properties of a good relationship.

Chapter 6 Walking on eggshells

When you are making everything to maintain a relationship together it becomes like walking on eggshells, no affair how you step you are traveling to check a shell.

Continuous emphasis like this can do tummy ulcers or even worse serious bosom conditions.

Continuously seeking to delight your spouse means you lose your ain individuality the lone thing that defines you is maintaining the relationship together.

Chapter7: Interrupt the Pattern

As with any other dependence, the first measure is to recognize the job.

Unfortunately many relationship nuts are incognizant that there is a job. Often the adult male or adult female on whom the nut is establishing their dependence is manipulative and isolates the nut to guarantee the dependence can non be interfered with.

Here are stairss to assist interrupt the form:

Record maintaining

If you feel there is something incorrect about your relationship but can non set a finger on what is incorrect start maintaining a diary about your relationship.

Overeaters are advised to maintain a log off all that they eat. They are frequently non cognizant of how much they are eating. If your relationship is bad you may non gain how bad it is until you start logging what is go oning.

Be honest and record everything that happens in your relationship at the same clip compose down how you are experiencing.

For illustration: “ Harry the supper was atrocious and I am useless – I feel unequal and injury ”

Looking back at what you have written down will assist you set into position precisely what is go oning in your relationship.

Reasons to stop it

Time to interrupt up

If you have recognised that you are a relationship nut and the relationship you are in is destructive, it is clip to interrupt up.

Any relationship no affair how atrocious is hard to stop. There is ever a grade on dependence.

If you have neither a topographic point to populate nor an income, do non go forth the relationship instantly, but plan the dissolution carefully particularly if you have kids.

Recognize the rhythm

Relationship nuts frequently non merely acquire stuck in bad relationships but they keep stoping up with the same type of spouses.

I know a adult female who was married to an opprobrious adult male for 20 old ages he non merely hit her awfully but their three boies were abused every bit much.

Two old ages after disassociating him she married another opprobrious adult male ; he had put his old married woman in infirmary twice after crushing her severely.

Relationship nuts do non understand that they get stuck in a rhythm nor are they able to see where they are traveling incorrect.

Get instant access to
all materials

Become a Member
unlock