Falling Essay Example

his friend’s BMX bikes, polishing the chrome work and replacing the worn and decayed hand grips, peddles and tyres with brand new ones. He remembered the feeling of simultaneous joy and disappointment.Genuine joy at getting a bike, real disappointment at getting an old man’s bike, joy at the hard work his Dad had done, just for him, disappointment that despite all the hard work it still looked like an old man’s bike and not a brand new BMX.

The memory faded now and he saw himself as an old man, no not himself, his father. His father had always been fit and strong, until one day he wasn’t. Had it happened overnight? An active hardworking man in his late sixties had become old and bent in his early seventies.Seventy wasn’t old anymore, not really.

Your seventies were a time to enjoy your life, relax and take things one step at a time, golfing, sailing, going caravanning were all activities to be enjoyed in your retirement. When had his father stopped doing all these things, when had he suddenly become an old man? He looked deep into his father’s eyes and saw them look back with pride, and strength and deep down something else, hidden or not understood, something from his subconscious. He knew what it was, he had always known. Disappointment.

Disappointment was lingering there behind the eyes, disappointment in him, disappointment in the child who had never said thank you for his yellow bike. Was this what he must take to the grave? Was he a selfish person, inconsiderate? He had never thought so before, only that he had a sense of entitlement and he

should go about his life in order he get what he was entitled to. Had he disappointed everybody around him? He searched his mind and was instantly staring deep into his wife’s eyes. It didn’t bring him any joy now.

Once it had, those eyes looked back at him with love and a gentle longing. A hunger to see deeper into his own soul and to know him like on one else could ever know him. Those eyes would stare into his eyes at the moment of climax between two loving partners and say more than any spoken word. Where had that look gone? Why did those eyes just breeze across his retina now, why did they never stop and linger and pierce his very soul anymore? When had his wife lost her desire to know him? Had she achieved her goal and seen into his soul and not liked what she found there?His thoughts raced, trying to push aside the anguish, longing to end life in a moment of true joy. Panic and fear began to seer through his body again, he knew he had lived through intense moments of happiness. Surely, now when he most needed them those memories could not desert him.

Suddenly his children came forward in his mind, honest, trusting, believing in their Dad. Happy, smiling children without doubt, or fear, or disappointment in life. This was the image he sought, this was the one thing in the world that he could truly say was pure. Unconditional Love.The ground rushed towards him, he braced, his last thoughts flashed through his mind, he didn’t want to die today, he had to tell

his Dad he loved his yellow bike, why couldn’t he look at his children just one more time, he had to tell his wife he still loved her.

He could not accept his fate anymore, it wasn’t fair, he wanted to live. He opened his mouth and screamed. The scream stopped abruptly, a small thud echoed up from the narrow alley between the tall buildings. Looking down from above the women saw the legs and arms twitch then everything was still and silent. Deadly silent.

You fool, she thought, maybe she had loved him once at the beginning, but not later. It wasn’t because he left his socks lying on the floor every day, not really, or because he always forgot to put the lid back on the tooth paste, not even because he always managed to spray all around the toilet not just in it. Maybe it was just because he took her for granted day in day out. She was glad he hadn’t seen her creep up behind him, although a small part of her wished she could have looked in his eyes as he fell.

He would have noticed her then she thought, he couldn’t ignore his murderer as easily as he could ignore his wife.