Symbolization in Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson Essay Example

couldn't share anything because she dreaded being judged. Since she judges herself, she believes others will judge her similarly. Nevertheless, the weight of her secret burdened every part of her body. "There's a beast in my gut. I can hear it scraping away at the insides of my ribs" (p. 51). Her depression affected her emotionally, physically, and socially overall.
Initially, it took an emotional toll on her because whenever she tried to relax and calm down; the night of the party when she was raped would come back in nightmares daily to haunt her.
At the same time physically speaking; signs of depression showed on face as it became harder for self-expression; along with frequent experiences of a sore throat and chapped lips which indicated neglecting self-care.

Similarly, the incident caused her social isolation as she withdrew from school events, choosing to spend most of her time alone in her closet. Despite facing numerous challenges in the first months after the incident, she eagerly awaits the chance to regain her voice. In the second phase, she envisions something she cannot bring to life - a large, ancient oak tree with a scarred trunk and countless leaves stretching towards the sun, symbolizing her ambitions that were shattered by the act of rape. As she attempts to carve this image, it resembles a sickly tree.

Despite her repeated attempts, the tree is never perfect. She acknowledges that when comparing herself to her parents, she can only pretend to be flawless and admits, "I'm just like them - an ordinary drone with secrets and lies" (p. 70). However, accurately depicting the grand oak tree remains a

struggle for her despite perceiving it as faultless in her mind. As a result, there is a lacking connection between herself and the tree because she cannot convey herself as desired. Specifically, when describing the appearance of the tree, she characterizes it as lifeless and dead by stating, "But when I try to carve it, it looks like a deceased tree, toothpicks, a child's drawing."

The narrator expresses a sense of despair and a desire to surrender, stating that she cannot bring her artwork to life and wants to give up. This suggests that she sees her art as lacking vitality due to her passive approach following a traumatic incident, which hinders her creativity. She compares herself to an unrevivable tree, highlighting the difficulty she faces in rejuvenating herself. Despite wanting to try, she continually feels the urge to quit. While this phase represents a change in Melinda, it is not extreme; nevertheless, it contributes to her personal development and enjoyment.

As she gets older, she discovers her increasing abilities. She now recognizes that despite feeling like she's going crazy, she is still alive. Most importantly, she no longer wants to hide and is unafraid of overcoming her guilt-ridden self. On pages 191-192, she hesitates about returning to her hiding spot and mentions feeling fearless about any potential consequences. Similarly, she declares that regardless of her condition, she is still alive and breathing. On page 88, she celebrates surviving and asserts that even though she feels confused and disoriented, she remains present. She finds comfort in the fact that perseverance is necessary for the sake of those who love her despite frustration. As

part of her journey, it becomes essential for her to take care of the previous version of herself and let go of the version that emerged after the party incident. After realizing this, it becomes clear to her that while not perfect herself, embracing imperfections is possible. While struggling with depression, understanding the importance of self-love in regaining lost freedom becomes evident to her. She firmly states that the assault was not a result of fault on her part and refuses to allow it to ruin her.

On page 198, the protagonist acknowledges that she has the capacity to grow. She realizes that she must cease harming herself and those around her, recognizing that the rape was not her fault. Furthermore, she comprehends the importance of preserving her sanity and embracing a life of fulfillment. Ultimately, she recognizes that she is not to blame for the traumatic event and can progress in her life. As she sketches a tree, she desires to include a bird that symbolizes her journey to freedom. In her drawings, the bird represents flight and feathered wings without conscious thought.

The author states that when she draws birds, water falls on the paper and the birds flourish in the light of their feathers, expanding with potential (p. 197). Initially, she explains how her mind is filled with words such as flight, feather, and wings. The concept of flight holds great significance for her as it represents her freedom. The flourishing feathers also symbolize hope for her, signifying a fresh start. Despite enduring a challenging and emotional period, she ultimately rediscovers her voice and regains confidence, putting an end to

the harsh criticism she received from her peers.

Art can provide both emotional and physical assistance to individuals expressing themselves. Melinda also turns to art as a means of support during her vulnerable and emotional freshman year of high school. Throughout this period, she experiences various stages - initially feeling depressed and wounded, gradually realizing her imperfections, subsequently discovering her true identity, and finally achieving satisfaction by understanding it was not her fault. Ultimately, she undergoes emotional growth akin to a tree and forgives herself for the past events. As stated on page 198, "The bruises are vivid, but they will fade."