Loss and Grief Consolidation and Ending Essay Example

dying.

Loss can be divided into two types: Developmental loss and Circumstantial loss. Developmental loss is an essential aspect of our growth, whereas circumstantial loss is connected to our individual experiences and situations. Traumatic events such as the death of a loved one, separation, divorce, disfigurement, serious illness, or the loss of a cherished object fall under circumstantial loss. These two categories are interconnected.

Loss is an essential part of life, experienced in different ways and perceived at varying levels. Some losses are considered minor, like misplacing a hat, while others are seen as significant. Major loss refers to the emotional detachment from someone or something that holds importance in one's life. The extent of this emotional bond determines the magnitude of the perceived loss - the stronger the attachment, the greater the impact.

The text defines Primary (initial) and Secondary Losses, emphasizing that a secondary loss is a physical or psychosocial loss caused by the primary loss. It highlights the impact of losses and states that experiencing a new loss can evoke emotions related to previous losses, resulting in grief for our history of loss. This accumulation of losses can lead to emotional distress, especially when multiple losses occur within a short period.

This analysis will assess Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's model of the grieving process and its link to the Person-Centred Approach. Kubler-Ross introduced this model, often called the five stages of grief, in her book "On Death and Dying" published in 1969. The model explains the five stages people experience when faced with death or losing a loved one. The first stage is 'denial,' which includes their immediate reaction to

the prognosis.

Littlewood (1992) states that Kubler-Ross suggests individuals commonly deny death initially as a temporary and natural defense mechanism. Those in this state may refuse to accept their illness and convince themselves that the situation is not real, resulting in a dream-like experience.

The initial stage of denial in the grieving process is eventually replaced by a temporary acceptance, followed by anger. Instead of initially experiencing disbelief or denial ("this can't be happening to me"), there is now resentful questioning such as "Why me?"; "It's not fair"; "How can this happen to me?" This anger may be directed towards oneself and/or others, especially those who are close. Moreover, feelings of abandonment and detachment may also emerge.

In the next stage, known as 'Bargaining,' individuals experiencing grief attempt to postpone the inevitable. Kubler-Ross (2009) defines bargaining as an effort to seek help from higher powers, such as God, in delaying what is about to happen. This stage involves making promises of behavioral change as a way to exchange for reversing the loss or preventing the impending loss.

If Anger and Bargaining are unsuccessful in reversing the loss, individuals may enter a state of 'Depression'. This stage involves accepting the inevitability and reality of the loss, as well as recognizing one's own helplessness in changing it. Depending on the circumstances, this phase can serve as preparation for what is to come or reflection on what has already happened. During this phase, grieving individuals may display behaviors such as crying, changes in sleep or eating habits, and withdrawal from relationships and activities while they cope with their endured loss. They may also

hold themselves accountable for causing or contributing to their loss, regardless of whether such blame is warranted. Experiencing depression during this stage indicates a deeper comprehension of the situation, which could lead to detachment or isolation.

Ultimately, the person reaches a state called 'Acceptance'. This is when they have gone through their initial emotions of grieving and can acknowledge that the loss has happened and cannot be undone. They can also start making plans for what lies ahead and resume their usual daily routines. During this final stage, they begin to confront the reality of their own mortality or that of a loved one.

Although the widely accepted five stages of grief model is rigid and linear, I see it as more of a guide than a strict process. Originally based on research with dying cancer patients, it can also apply to other types of loss like relationship endings, financial difficulties, or loss of mobility. However, not everyone experiencing grief goes through all five stages. When I lost both my father and a friendship simultaneously, I didn't feel the need to bargain with a higher power because I lack religious beliefs. There is also no evidence suggesting that individuals must go through these stages in the exact proposed order. Furthermore, the model doesn't acknowledge that these stages can be revisited; for instance, feelings of anger may resurface even after acceptance has been reached.

The model is founded on a study conducted on hospital patients who passed away from cancer in Western society. Additionally, anthropological research has indicated that various cultures experience grief in distinct ways.

The Kubler-Ross model, despite its flaws,

has had a significant impact on society by promoting contemplation of death and emphasizing the importance of understanding and caring for the needs of dying individuals. Personally, I have experienced one of the stages of grief proposed by Kubler-Ross when my father passed away from lung cancer. His sudden loss left me in disbelief as he had always appeared physically strong. To connect the Kubler-Ross model with the Person-Centred Approach, it is necessary to briefly explain Rogers' theory. Carl Rogers developed the Person-Centred Approach in the 1940s and 1950s, focusing on three core conditions (originally six) and using a non-directive approach to facilitate client growth and therapeutic change. The first core condition is empathy, which Rogers defines as:

Rogers (1980, p.142) highlighted the significance of engaging with the client's personal perceptual realm and becoming acquainted with it. This entails effectively conveying one's own understanding of the individual's world. It is vital for the counselor to comprehend the client's viewpoint. Another fundamental component, referred to as unconditional positive regard, signifies that the counselor accepts and comprehends individuals without judgment, acknowledging their flaws and their endeavors to modify their feelings and actions (Merry, 2002, p.81).

The counselor provides a safe space for the client to freely express their thoughts and emotions, without fear of rejection or disapproval. The counselor genuinely cares for and pays close attention to the client. According to Rogers, congruence is the primary core condition. Mearns and Thorne define congruence as the authenticity and genuineness of the counselor. The more authentic the counselor is in the relationship, the greater chance there is for positive development in the client. There is no pretense

or hiding of information, allowing the client to truly know and understand the counselor as an individual without having to speculate.

The counseling core conditions, such as genuineness, non-judgment, and empathy, establish a secure and trustworthy environment for clients to openly share their emotions. This is especially beneficial for individuals coping with loss as it enables self-examination and contemplation. The Person-Centred Approach mirrors the Kubler-Ross model in acknowledging that anger and depression are natural components of grief.

In the counselling process, Worden highlights the significance of clients attaining a full awareness that the loss has indeed taken place. The acceptance of this reality is essential for survivors to cope with the emotional consequences of the loss (Worden, 1989. P.39). Furthermore, Worden proceeds to state:

In dealing with loss, survivors can receive support by discussing their experience with a counselor, as stated by Worden (1989, p.39). This process of communication becomes simpler when the counselor exhibits qualities such as unconditional positive regard, genuineness, and empathic understanding. These characteristics assist in creating an environment where clients feel comfortable sharing their emotions. Rogers' theory supports this concept and highlights the importance of establishing a supportive atmosphere for individuals to access their internal resources for self-understanding (Rogers, 1980, p.115).

Drawing from personal experiences, I will now discuss personal concerns that might impact the counseling process. While the Kubler-Ross model was originally developed based on a survey of terminally ill cancer patients, I have noticed similarities between this model and my recent experience of grief following the end of my romantic relationship. This grieving process involved denying and resisting accepting the conclusion of the relationship, which

led to feelings of depression. These emotional reactions brought about changes in my sleep patterns, resulting in sleep deprivation, as well as alterations in my eating habits that caused a loss of appetite and subsequent weight loss. Eventually, I reached a point where I came to terms with the fact that the relationship had ended.

The counseling process for bereaved clients has been impacted by my father's death and my own personal experiences. These experiences have heightened my self-awareness, allowing me to demonstrate empathy and comprehend the client's viewpoint effectively. Furthermore, I am at ease with their emotions, employing a phenomenological approach. Through gaining a deeper understanding of my own grieving journey and the significant loss I have experienced, I can better support clients in expressing their emotions more efficiently.