Dyadic Encounter: Developing an Ongoing Relationship Essay Example

have shaped who we are. Often these things still weigh on our mind, and can be a source of doubt. By talking about them, we give these things less power over us.

It serves as a catharsis, and allows us to see that we are not the only one who deals with issues from the past. Even though Cindy comes from a close-knit family, she understands and empathizes with me when I talk about problems in my own family. This ability to share our thoughts and doubts makes us closer and enhances our friendship. Even with an open dialogue, we still have boundaries. It seems like we are both mindful in what we say, and how it will affect the other. By gauging an appropriate amount of disclosure, we are able to stay open without crossing a line.

Generally, there isn’t much that I feel I could not share with Cindy, and she feels the same way towards me. Creating an atmosphere that is open and supportive makes it easy to be open and honest. Cindy and I have done a good job in creating an environment that is “low-risk”. Because we have supported each other before in the past, and not been judgmental, there is no fear of rejection, negative impressions, decrease in relational satisfaction, loss of influence, or hurting the other person. This kind of atmosphere also makes it easier to reject alternatives that could harm our friendship.

We do not feel the need for silence, lying, equivocating, hinting, or evasion. When you feel comfortable confiding in someone, these problems don’t really pose an issue. Being able to convey your feelings when you do not disagree

with someone makes it possible to work through disagreements. By using Assertiveness Techniques, we can work through a problem without placing blame or shutting down emotionally. The progression of Assertiveness Techniques goes as follows:

• Behavior- Give an objective description of the offending behavior without interpretation.
• Interpretation- Describing the meaning you have attached to that behavior.
• Feeling- Expressing feelings connected to the behavior and your interpretation of it.
• Consequence- Explain the result of the situation.
• Intention- Describe where you stand on the issue and what you request of others, and give a description of how you plan to act in the future.

These steps can often diffuse a tense situation. Often, someone might not realize how his or her behavior bothers you until you explain how you interpret it. I have always been bad about remembering to call people on a regular basis and return phone calls promptly.

I knew this bothered Cindy, but I didn’t really understand that it was more than just a simple annoyance. She explained to me that she interpreted me not calling as a indication that I did not care or feel that she was important, and that this made her feel like we were not as close as she thought. She said she would like to talk to me at least once or twice a week, and that would make her more confident in our friendship. When I realized that my behavior was more than annoying, and actually hurtful, it made it easier for me to put a priority on staying in contact.

In contrast, if she had not told me how she felt, my behavior would have likely continued and our friendship

would have suffered. In closing, I would like to address something that I believe negatively affects a lot of friendships, specifically between women. There seems to be an atmosphere of cattiness, competition, and backstabbing that is prevalent in female friendships. This kind of behavior is portrayed heavily in the media and seen as normal behavior. Even though we have experienced this in other friendships, Cindy and I have always avoided these pitfalls with each other.

It is not in either of our nature, and it is something we do not want to perpetrate. Although this behavior is competitive, ultimately no one wins. It is much more productive to be a good friend and surround yourself with people who want the same. In doing this, Cindy and I have an extremely close friendship and true support from one another.

Questionnaire

The Statements

1. The first time we met was... When we worked together.
2. The amount of time we have known each other is... Seven years.
3.  The kind of relationship we have is... Friendship.
4.  One adjective to describe our relationship would be... Sincere.
5. One way in which we are alike is... We are both very honest.
6. One way in which we are different is... I am more reserved, Cindy is very outgoing.
7. If our relationship was a movie, it would be called... Girls Gone Goofy.
8. A peak experience in our relationship was... Vacationing together.
9. When we meet new people, I... Me: I am more reserved and shy, Cindy is talkative. Cindy: I agree with that.
10. When I am with you in a social situation, I feel... Me: More outgoing and confident. Cindy: Relaxed and like I can be myself.
11. Right now
    

I feel... Me: I am apprehensive about moving overseas, and that the distance will affect our friendship. Cindy: I am also concerned with that, but we have always stayed close when we weren’t living near eachother. [Listening Check: "Are you saying that...? ]

don’t think we will.

that I didn’t want to talk about something, you would respect that.

shy, you are also very adventurous. Also, you have a great marriage, and I would like to find that.

bothers me most is... Me: You always change your mind about what you want to wear a few times when we are getting ready to go out, but it doesn’t really bother me. Cindy: Just that sometimes you forget to call me back, but I know you don’t do it on purpose.

rebuild the strength in our friendship when we feel like we are getting too distant. Listening Check: "Are you saying that...? ]