Strong-Willed Child Book Report Essay
There once was a little girl with a curl in the middle of her forehead and when she was good she was very very good and when she was bad she was horrid. ” That is the poem my mother used to recite to me when I was being “strong-willed”. Jokingly, I believe it is Just a proper way of saying difficult; also known to my mother as stubborn, defiant and full of steam. One story in particular she described me as crying so angrily that my tears came shooting straight out. There may perhaps be some exaggeration there.
Fast forward almost 25 years later and I gave birth to my ere own little six pound ten ounce “nightmare”. My mother feels Joy knowing I am getting what I gave. Isn’t that sweet? Dry. James Dobson in his bestseller book “The New Strong-willed Child” guides bewildered Christian parent’s (like me and my mother) into better understanding their little Napoleonic brutes, giving them the tools they need to be successful in one of the most challenging roles, a parent of a strong-willed child. The original strong-willed child book was one of the first books that he had written after leaving college in 1977.
Since then there have been nearly 3 million copies sold in numerous languages. Dobson revised the original due to more recent discoveries in child development as well as determining which methods Dobson suggested were successful or not. Dobson stands firm that strong-willed children need wise parent’s who will persevere to insure they will grow into healthy adults. The wisdom parent’s need involves a well thought out “game plan” as Dobson calls it. Without it, it appears to be like being in a boat without a paddle. To raise any child you need tools, but a strong-willed child is even more desperately in need for them.
Dobson encourages parent’s to be guided between the principles of love ND control. Although not always easy, it can subdue the amount or level of animosity between parent and child. Strong-willed children often pull parent’s in the direction of constant yelling without compromise or are at the mercy of their little dictator. These are not preferable to either parent or child. The balance of love and control is optimal for positive results. Dobbin’s book goes into great detail throughout this book to lead Christian parent’s in the way the one who created them instructs in scripture.
Dobson assures parent’s that children are naturally driven to challenge their aren’t, so strong-willed children have an even stronger drive to do this. He writes about the “confrontation of wills” that strong-willed children carry out. Strong-willed children often believe that to follow in obedience is proceeded by challenges. Before respect comes into play, a parent must prove they are worthy of that respect. Dobson states that it is imperative that discouraged parent’s need to come to that realization so they can better respond to their strong-willed child.
These children push their parent’s’ button to find out who is the toughest. Dobson believes that aren’t need to come out on top in the game Dobson calls “Challenge the Chief”. If you do not win this game, it will repeat until you nip it in the bud. Dobson goes on to say that it is not at all surprising, because from the beginning of creation we have displayed the same willfully defiant behavior. Original sin comes from our natural inclination to feed our self-will. So it is not so shocking that we continue that Demeanor to tens very clay.
Parent’s must accept Ana wall tens talent canalling Tanat their children bring, so the child will gain the respect for their parent’s that is needed, which will direct them into obedience. According to Dobson there are several temperaments outside of being strong-willed. He believes that temperaments are embedded in us before we are even born. That they do not have to be promoted, they Just are. Dobson describes the easy going child who is driven to bring Joy to his parent’s. They loved to be liked and will do what is needed to achieve that. He also brings to light, the “sneaky’ temperamental child.
They do not directly challenge their parent’s, but they desire the same control as the strong-willed. They will lie, scheme and do what it takes to get their agenda fed. Dobson writes that many parent’s are in blame and shame mode. They accuse themselves for the household problems and are shamed by the parent’s of “good kids”. Dobson goes on to state that all children have their difficulties and that strong-willed kids may be tough cookies, they are exactly as God made them and with the correct temperance of love and control they too can come around. To help our kids we must first understand the personality that God has given them.
Raising children is not a one size fits all occupation. Dry. Dobson introduces mothers and their strong-willed children to show intimate and real dialogue. These interviews give greater insight into the hearts and minds of the individuals and families caught in this strong-willed storm. The consensus is that perseverance, prayer, love and firmness is the formula for success. In the end, it appears that results are favorable if the parent takes the time and energy to devote to their child. Dobson discusses how we live in a society that has “experts” who are giving bogus advice in regard to parenting.
Some experts feel that parent’s would benefit by getting rid of their authoritative position, whereas the child will thrive better. This is referred to as permissive parenting. Dobson feels this is nonsense, where deep within a child is the want for protection. When the parent does not provide this, the child becomes resentful because of their lack of concern. Another expert focused on a “positive” parenting and discipline method. This method to Dobson was as equally absurd, as it Just ignored the willful disobedience. Just because you ignore the elephant, does not mean it is not in the room!
These methods according to Dobson take more energy from the parent than Just dealing head on with their strong-willed child. Once the child understands who is in charge, it is Just a matter of maintenance; whereas permissive parenting centers on shifting the family tyrant. Dobson states that this impairs a child to accept any future authority such as a police officer. It doesn’t take much to imagine where that can lead. Dobson believes that parent’s should be teaching healthy boundaries to their kids. He feels that we as parent’s should be in the driver’s seat, not children.
Kids are born with distinct characteristics and Dobson refers to one of them as “the strength of the will”. The “strength of the will” differs among every child but is a permanent characteristic throughout a person’s life. He believes that genetics is a huge component in our personality makeup. He even goes on to state that 70% of our personality is genetics. Dobson states that children look to validate the reasons for their boundaries. When parent’s remain fixed on their boundaries, the child will feel the security given. Dodson gives SIX courses AT Acton Tort parent’s AT strong-walled CNN learn.
Hrs Ana foremost, when children are very young, teach them to respect authority. According to him, this allows a child to have less of a compulsion towards defiance. Secondly, a parent should map out parental boundaries before they are carried out. This will get rid of any hard feelings of unfairness. Thirdly, tell the difference between outright disobedience and immaturity. Fourth, demonstrate support and encouragement when the conflict has subsided. Dobson states that when a clash has ended, the child desires comfort that their mom or dad still love her. He also states that prayer is optimal at this time.
Especially if the parent draws upon the fact that none of us are without sin. Fifthly, steer away from unreasonable requests. This will make a child feel uneasy and unable to obey. Lastly, love, love, love the gift that God has given you. Dobson brings about the importance of creating a stable environment. The balance of firmness met with love. He emphasizes how parent’s are to temper the willful defiance without crushing the spirit. He describes the will is made of steel whereas the spirit is made more fragile. So fragile, that it is in danger of feeling rejection and emotional bankruptcy.
Dobson states that we can develop this balance by creating boundaries beforehand and then carry them out in love. Pointing at the negative action made as opposed to attacking the child’s character is the goal at hand. Remember, the tapes people play in their heads as adults were mostly corded in childhood. The objective is correction without rejection. Dobson encourages parent’s to step away if they are about to spew out empty words without fruit, even if the child provokes. He also notes that if a moment of verbal weakness occurs than the parent should immediately begin healing by making things right again.
Love begets love and meanness begets meanness. Dobson believes that many discouraged parent’s fall into the trap of yelling, which produces no fruit and rots the crop. He doesn’t advocate being a phony because there will be times for a strong and firm tone, but he emphasizes the need for it to not become a mainstay hen frustration strikes. He states that we do not need anger to bring about obedience but a clear and thought out plan of action. He brings attention to tackling disobedience based on guidelines given for each developmental stage. The stages are defined from birth to seven months to the adolescent years.
He states that no “direct” discipline is needed before seven months and goes into greater detail in regard to adolescent years. Dobson states that many children begin to challenge their parent’s at the young age of seven months. He encourages distraction and diversion and persistence in matters of inflict. An interesting take on things was his description of people being divided into two categories: yes and no people. Toddlers, ages fifteen to twenty-four months is the time for no-isms! He even makes a reference that this time is “the first adolescence”.
He states that times is the only true cure for this stage but discipline may require a slight smack on the backside for overt disobedience. Age’s two to three carries in again the flowing balance of love and control. Realizing that children explore is an important bit of information, which can explain that not every time a hill gets into trouble is because of willful behavior, differentiate between the two. From four to eight years a parent needs to acknowledge their child’s motivations of ten near as well as Demeanor. Looking at tenet temperament Ana using wallows to mold them in the correct way is a parent’s primary vision.
Children at this age teeter between rebellion and obedience. The best way to counteract this is to practice what you preach and be the parental model a child requires. Kids are more in tune to parent’s than they realize. Dry. Dobson encourages “attitude charts” that can be drawn to make the child more cognizant of their flaws. Dobson states that the foundation has been made during the first nine years. From nine to twelve, he recommends that the parent begin to allow independence to trickle in, including more responsibility and allowance of more self-control.
Corporal punishment should subside generally around this time because it is less effective in older children, although exceptions exist. At this age children should be aware of the connections between behavior and consequences. Some do not learn this and are somewhat encapsulated by immaturity that can spread into things such as marriage when they reach adulthood. He goes into greater depth in the teen years. Primarily the point he attempts to get across is that this is the stage in life where we allow them greater independence while balancing a still in charge role.
This is where the parent sees the fruit of their work and whether a child will exercise the work that has been instilled. Dobson states his strong hatred for child abuse. He gives a strong account for his contribution to child development. He goes on to describe that corporal punishment if given correctly does not align with child abuse. He uses research to validate his statement. He goes on to even note that lack of corporal punishment can bring about true violence because parent’s are not teaching their children the vital lesson of respecting authority.
He notes that spanking is never to be administered by someone who is unable to control their anger. It would be better for them to not spank at all. He gives guidelines for spanking that line up healthy and unhealthy ways of using corporal punishment. Dobson brings your attention to sibling rivalry. He notes that it is a natural dynamic, especially strong with counter temperament children. He discusses the ways that parent’s can eliminate calamities. The first is to not compare your children tit each other; this pits them against each other. Secondly, to create a fair and Just home by establishing house rules that applies to everyone.
When parental love and respect, punishments and intervention consistently take place, then a home can have the peace that a family desires. Thirdly, be aware that battles may be a cry for parental attention. To stop this in its tracks Dobson recommends allowing the expected result to be negative, they won’t continue if they don’t like the results. Dobson touches on the topic of ADD children. He believes that it is not a myth but a true condition that can be approached, causing favorable results. He puts to rest the myths that ADD would go away if parent’s parented better and that it contains no scientific support.
He notes that strong-willed children and ADD is especially difficult, but is not without hope. The key to success is learning more about ADD and what course of action to stick with. He encourages parent’s to recognize that ADD is not a handicap and they are not mistakes. All of God’s kids have gifts but it is up to parent’s to encourage them to rise above their difficulties and realize their distinctive gifts. Dry Doesn’t TOOK Is Don Instituting Ana encouraging. 1 kea Tanat It was an easy read ND that it made me more knowledgeable of the strong-willed child. Dry.
Dobbin’s taught me valuable lessons I can use with my own daughter. For example, one afternoon I decided that I would not negotiate with my eight year old. I simply used the tools that the book instructed. I told her to follow my orders if she wanted to receive praise or do not and she would receive punishment. It was brilliant!! No struggle and complete obedience, music to my ears. I was swayed in some ways throughout the book, but the most swaying was received when I was reading about ADD. I believed the myths that it was a fad diagnosis and these children were only product of bad parenting skills.
This leads me to have more compassion towards the families affected by this condition. I would most definitely recommend this book to others. I appreciated the sincerity and honesty demonstrated throughout the text. I also was drawn to his drive to filter child developmental dilemmas through scripture. Overall, this book is one I will pass on and I feel blessed by its exposure. I will keep it in my library and eagerly wait to read a possible third revision.