interpersonal comm ch 11- Conflict – Flashcards
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define interpersonal conflict
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a struggle between interdependent parties that occurs whenever one individuals thoughts or actions are perceived to limit or interfere with those of another individual
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what do parties recognize during conflict?
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the incompatibility of their goals and each does their best to prevail
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what is conflict based on
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interaction
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how is conflict created and maintained?
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behavior
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what does conflict test?
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every relationship
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is it necessary to have conflcit?
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yes, you need resistance for a meaningful relationships
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what is conflict a means for?
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growth and development in interpersonal relationships
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if conflict itself does not create problems, then what does?
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the way we approach and deal with a situation is what creates problems; conflict by itself is neither positive or negative, how we handle and perceive it is what adds a charge
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when does funcitonal conflict occur?
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when we handle conflict so that it helps us develop insights into our relationship and develop more effective means of relating to one another
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what does functinal conflict help us with?
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building an understanding of each others needs, attitudes or beliefs
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what are the benefits of functional conflict?
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willingness to listen to opposing views; openness to changing troublesome behaviors; openness to accepting differences of others
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when does dysfunctional conflict occur?
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when conflict is not handled properly and escalates resulting in a destructive outcome
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what does dysfunctional conflict create?
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problems in relationships, often resulting in personal pain, emotional strain and resentment
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what does dysfunctional confilct often involve?
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threats, deception, force, inflexibility one ones part
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does dysfunctional conflict tend to get worse?
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yes
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what are the forms of dysfunctional conflict?
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crazymaking behavior
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what is crazymaking behavior
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conflict producing technique that can figuratively drive a partner crazy; often the root of dysfunctional conflict; involves "gunny sacking" (the idea that one saves all complaints for that one huge fight then just lets everything out at once); passive aggressive behavior; catching one off guard; confusing him/ her; arousing anger
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what are examples of crazymaking behavior
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guiltmaking; beltlining; avoiding; withholding
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what is guiltmaking
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one party makes the other party responsible for causing pain
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what is beltlining
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voicing comments that "hit below the belt"
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what is avoiding
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when one refuses to face an issue, leaving the other person frustrated because no one will face the problem
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what is withholding
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keeping back affection, humor, material possession, or other desirable thing because of conflict
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how to avoid crazymaking behavior
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be specific when you introduce a complaint; ask for change that will make the situation better; be tolerant of your partner; attack the issue not the other person; think about what you say before you say it
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what are sources of conflict?
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intrapersonal (internal conflict) vs intrerpersonal (it takes 2); interactions among individuals (often occurs when we perceive individual differences in beliefs, opinions, perceptions, values, needs, assumptions, interests and goals); observing scarcity of certain resources or rewards (money time power popularity space position etc); engage in rivalry; disagree on how to define a relationship; misinterpret another's intent
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what are conflict generating behaviors?
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when one blocks your goals, he or she may generate conflict; the behaviors that may precipitate conflict are: preemptive striking, forcing, blaming,
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how do we classify conflicts?
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by the nature of the goal (shareable vs non-shareable); level of intensity (low-intensity, medium-intensity, high intensity); the general character (pseudoconflict, content conflic, value conflict, ego conflict)
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what are the different conflict management styles?
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assertive (your needs first) vs cooperative (defer to group needs/ relationship); five types of conflict behavior
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what are the five types of conflict behavior by Blake and Moulton
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avoiding; competitive; compromising (neither party gets everything they want); accommodative; collaborative (win win situation where each side achieves its goals)
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describe the competitive style of conflict behavior
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highly assertive, low cooperation; forces their position on another; posesses "win-lose" mindset like bullies; maximizes own needs, minimizes others'; has low levels of effective communication
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describe the compromising style of conflict behavior
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aims to find middle ground; may give something up to reach agreement; uses sharing or horsetrading but leaves one partially satisfied; often called lose-lose situation, as part of the goal or relationship is sacrificed in the agreement; appeals to fairness and negotiates tradeoffs; is moderately effective
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describe the accommodative style of conflict behacior
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unassertive and cooperative; shows a "give in and lose" atitude; overvalues maintenance of reltionships and undervalues the attainment of personal goals; feels conflict should be avoided in favor of harmony; conceals ill feelings and smooths over differences; approaches conflict indirectly and passively; is generally ineffective
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describe the collaborative style of conflict behavior
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high in assertiveness and cooperativeness; has "win-win" orientation; problem solver, seeks to integrate needs of all parties; sees conflict as a means of improving relationship; seeks to discover a solution that achieves both their goals and those of others; highly competent communicators
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what are communication behaviors when faced with conflict
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Destructive (deceitful, fail to respect others, dont try to understand other points of view, often impede solution); Constructive (see win win opportunity, express themselves honestly, listen effectively, use perception validation techniques and role reversal, encourage free exchange of ideas)
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what is a DESC script?
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means of epxressing feelings ands understanding others' feelings; D= describe, E= Express, S= Specify, C= consequences
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expressive styles
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nonassertive; aggressive; assertive
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what is the nonassertive expressive style
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fearful or hesitant to express their own feelings; often, others intimidate and needs are not met; language used (um, uh, not really, i guess)
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what is the aggressive expressive style?
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expressive needs, wants, and ideas openly; often ignores or violates rights of others, goal is to win; language used (attack, stare down, threats)
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what is the assertive expressive style?
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communicates honestly, clearly, and directly; tends to be rewarding behavior, helps to resolve conflict; language used: good eye contact, I and We messages
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conflict resolution and culture
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individualistic vs stylistic, see chart
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how do men approach conflict resolution (based on masculine gender role)?
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tend to focus on task-related issues; taught to use communication to solve problems and assert heir point of view; put priority on outcomes; may be better at staying focused on goal gained from resolving conflict; often withdraw faster from conflict; tend to use more direct and forcefully means to get their way; advantage of this approach is it is more direct
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how do women approach conflict resolution? (based on feminine gender role)
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specialize in communication that builds support; conversation is a means to work out conflicts and relationship problems; put priority on relationship; may be better to prepared to interpret feelings, moods, and needs of those they are in conflict with; want to talk about it; tend to compromise and accommodate more
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how has media impacted conflict resolution?
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media and technology can both help and hinder conflict resolution; social learning (from cable, TV, film) we see many examples of reality TV shows and sitcoms that involve conflict, is this reality? what do we learn from them?
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how has tehnology impacted conflict resolution?
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(blogs facebook video games) flaming: online disinhibition effect; but sometimes can help users diffuse conflicts (time to examine and reflect on what you have received/ what you want to say)
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do media and technology help or hinder conflict resolution?
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both
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guidelines for resolving conflict
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recognize that conflict can be resolved rationally; agree how to define the conflict; exchange perceptions (describe, express, specify, and not behavioral consequences); assess alternative solutions and choose the one that seems best; implement and evaluate the selected solution
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what is the avoiding type of conflict behavior according to Blake and Mouton
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unassertive, uncooperative person; withdraws or walks away from conflict; aims to maintain appearance of indifference; physically and mentally separate from conflict; often gives up goals and relationships as a result
