2017 Monologues – Gruesome Playground Injuries & Beyond Therapy – Flashcards

Hello, my name is Caitlin Moore and today I will be performing two contrasting monologues from Gruesome Playground Injuries by Rajiv Joseph and Beyond Therapy by Christopher Durang. This piece is aestricked for language and death, so if that offends you, please leave now. And with that, I represent Troupe 11...

KAYLEEN: ...39. You can't marry that girl, Doug. You can't. Because what about me? What about me, huh? When my dad died, when you... when you came to the funeral home that night... That stuff you said to me...

You' re always doing that, you know? The top 10 best things anyone's ever done for me have all been done by you. That's pretty good, right?

And I know. I know I know I know... I'm so stupid. I'm always. ..I'm just ****ed up, you know that. And so I need you to stick it out, Dougie.

I'm gonna need you to come looking for me again. I'm sorry. But you have to wake up now. You have to wake up for me. Because I'm not great, you know?

I'm not great. And I really need you right now. I really need you to come over and show me some stupid shit again, tell me some stupid joke like you always do.

I'm sorry I've been gone. I'm back now. You know? I'm back now. So wake up. Wake up now, buddy. Just, you know...rise and shine.

It's Tuesday. That was always your favorite day.

Well, the point is that when a porpoise first comes to me, it is often immediately clear...Did I say porpoise? What word do I want? Porpoise. Pompous. Pom Pom. Paparazzi. Polyester. Pollywog. Patient. I'm sorry, I mean patient.

Oh I hate this, when I forget what I'm saying. Oh, damn. damn, damn.

Oh, yes. Personal ad. ....that was how the first Mr. Wallace and I met. I love personal ads.

When I met the second Mr. Wallace, I got a filing cabinet caught in my throat...I don't mean a filing cabinet. What do I mean? Filing cabinet, frying pan, frog's eggs, faculty wives, frankincense, fornication, follies bergere, falling falling fork, fish bone. I got a fish bone caught in my throat.

but then he started to see this fish wife....waitress! And then I was so very alone for a while. I'm afraid I'm taking up too much of your session. I'll knock a few dollars off the bill.