13 Ways To Screw Up Your College Interview
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Thanks for coming in
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Thanks for having me
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Did you have any trouble finding the Barrow Building?
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um...thats a personal matter...and i'd rather not answer it
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huh...well, okay, shall we get started?
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sometimes
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I... well let me start by telling you about how this University differs from others in the state. We're a smaller school, with smaller class sizes and personal attention, but we have the resources of a big state school. These resources includes amazing internships, and a faculty of practicing professionals
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Well I'm glad to hear that. When I applied in state one of my big fears was being overwhelmed by huge lecture classes.
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Well that is exactly the atmosphere we try to avoid here. Now, have you thought about a major yet?
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That is my MOTHER you're talking about here! Beat. Oh dear, you didn't just ask to see my mother in a two-piece bathing suit, did you?
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No, I didn't.
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Allow me to explain. I have an extremely rare disorder known as \"Chronaquestimixidous.\" It's a neurological condition which renders incapable of hearing a question... correctly.
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And by correctly you mean -
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Every time you ask a question, I hear a completely different one.
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I see. How come I've never heard of \"chronaquestimixidous,\" before?
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Eleanor Roosevelt... probably. Harold hands Interviewer 1 a doctor's note. I probably should've told you as soon as I came in. Sorry, I just don't like to make a big deal about it.
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Well...Harold, I don't know what I can do exactly. A college interview is primarily the asking of questions.
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So...if a deaf person came into your office, you'd just refuse to do the interview?
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No, I would make sure a translator fluent in sign language was available to aid in the interview.
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Well I'm sorry that the AMA hasn't recognized CQM as a legitimate medical condition, but I try to live my life in a normal and healthy way, and I would appreciate it if you treated me the same as any other prospective student.
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I... suppose you're right but, well... okay, shall we continue with the interview?
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It's in Argentina, isn't it?
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Um, yes... sure is. So, what kind of extra-curricular activities are you interested in?
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Seventh grade, Melissa Bloch. We both had braces, it was kind of awkward.
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What's your favorite subject in school?
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I would take South Pike road, except during rush hour.
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What's your favorite color?
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Every Sunday.
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Is it me or is this completely pointless?
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I don't know too much about the salivary gland. Sorry.
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Well, that went well, thank you so much for stopping by.
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Thank you.
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Do you need directions to get back on the I-40?
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Cookie Monster. I guess I just like googly eyes. Is that weird?
