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***COMPANIONATE MARRIAGE***

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In a companionate marriage, the spouses base their relationship on equality and friendship on equality and friendship.

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CONFLICT-HABITUATED MARRIAGE

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A conflict-habituated marriage is characterized by tension and unresolved conflict.

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***COVENANT MARRIAGE***

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A covenant marriage is an anti divorce contract in which couples demonstrate their strong commitment to marriage by: a. getting premarital counseling b. getting marital counseling in times of marital difficulties c. agreeing not to divorce until after a separation of two years or after proving adultery or domestic abuse

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***DEVITALIZED MARRIAGE***

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A devitalized marriage is one in which the partners have lost the strong emotional connection they once had but stay together out of duty.

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***EMPTY-NEST SYNDROME***

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A feeling of depression after the children have moved out or \"fled the nest\".

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FAMILY LIFE CYCLE

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In a family life cycle, members' roles and relationships change, largely depending on how they have to adapt themselves to the absence or presence of child rearing reasponsibility.

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***FLEXIBLE MARRIAGES***

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Flexible marriages allow the partners to change over time and to grow as individuals and in the relationship.

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GREEN-CARD MARRIAGE

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Green card marriages is one in which an American marries or pretends to marry, usually in exchange for money, an immigrant for the purpose of giving him or her a green card that grants permanent United State residency.

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HETEROGAMOUS MARRIAGES

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Heterogamous marriages are those in which the partners are of different education, ethnicity, race, religion, age, and/or social class.

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***HOMOGAMOUS MARRIAGES***

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Homogamous marriages--that is, marriages between partners of similar education, ethnicity, race, religion, age, and social class.

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IDENTITY BARGAINING

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The realities of the marriage oblige spouses to adjust their idealized expectations of each other.

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INTRINSIC MARRIAGES

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Intrinsic marriages are marriages that are fundamentally rewarding, they have little conflict and tension.

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***LAUNCHING FAMILY***

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When the eldest child leaves home

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***MARITAL SUCCESS***

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Marital success also called MARITAL QUALITY is measured in terms of stability, happiness, and flexibility.

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MARRIAGE

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A legal union between a man and a woman.

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MISCEGENATION

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miscegenation is marriage or cohabitation between a white person and a person of another race

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PASSIVE-CONGENIAL MARRIAGE

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In a passive-congenial marriage, the couple focuses on activities rather than emotional intimacy, but unlike those in devitalized marriages, these couples seem always to have done so

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PERMANENCE

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Permanence means that the partners promise to stay together lifelong.

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PERSONAL MARRIAGE AGREEMENT

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A personal marriage agreement is a written agreement negotiated between married couples in which partners specify how they will behave in aspects of the relationship--their preferences, obligations, and sharing of labor and tasks.

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***POSTNUPITAL AGREEMENT***

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A postnuptial agreement is the same as a prenuptial agreement except that it is worked out by partners who are already married to each other. Most often, it is developed when one spouse comes into an inheritance or starts a business or when there are children from a previous marriage who need to be provided for.

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PRENUPITAL AGREEMENT OR PREMARITAL AGREEMENT

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A prenuptial or premarital agreement is a contract signed by the couple before the wedding that specifies in advance how property will be divided and children cared for in the event of divorce or one partner's death.

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RESCUE MARRIAGE

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Partners in a rescue marriage base their relationship on the index of healing. The point of the marriage is to provide each other with comfort for past suffering and unhappiness of early days or earlier relationships.

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RITE OF PASSAGE

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A rite of passage is an event signaling a major change from one social status to another. engagement wedding honeymoon

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ROMANTIC MARRIAGE

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A romantic marriage is filled with passion and sex. Romantic ideas of \"destiny\" and \"ever after\" pervade and keep the couple in a blissful state.

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SEXUAL EXCLUSIVITY

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sexual exclusivity means that each partner promises to have sexual relations only with the other.

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***STATIC MARRIAGES***

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Static marriages don't change over time, don't allow for changes in the spouses, and rely on the fact of the legal marriage bond to enforce sexual exclusivity and permanence.

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***TOTAL MARRIAGE***

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A total marriage is one in which the partners are also intensely bound together psychologically but participate in each other's lives in all, not just some, areas and have very few areas of tension or conflict.

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TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE

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In a traditional marriage, the husband is the income earner, and the wife takes care of the home and children.

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UTILITARIAN MARRIAGE

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A utilitarian marriage is one that is based on convenience. There are 3 types: 1. conflict-habituated 2. devitalized 3. passive-congenial

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VITAL MARRIAGE

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A vital marriage is one in which the partners are intensely bound together psychologically and participate in each other's lives in many areas.

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***VOW RENEWAL***

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A vow renewal is a ceremony in which partners repeat their commitment to each other.

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With INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE

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Since the early 1990s more Americans have expressed tolerance for interracial marriage. Biracial unions have also increased, now making up one in 15 marriages in the United States.

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WHAT WOULD YOU MISS IF YOU NEVER MARRIED

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In a study of the never married, 80% of the men and 75% of the women said what they would miss most if they never got married was companionship.

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HOW MUCH DOES A WEDDING COST?

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The median cost of a wedding in the United States in 2006 was about $17,500.

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DO MARRIED WOMEN USUALLY KEEP THEIR LAST NAMES?

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About 17% of college-educated married women kept their last name in 2000.

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IS SEX STILL ENJOYABLE DURING MARRIAGE

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In one study, 88% of married couple said that they experienced extreme physical pleasure with their partners, as opposed to 54% of single people not married or living with someone.

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DO MEN DO AS MUCH HOUSEWORK AS WOMEN

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In 1995, women--both full-time homemakers, and employed wives-averaged 16 hours a week on housework, and men averaged 9, according to one study. Another study found that in two-income families, women spent 34 hours a week on housework compared to their husbands 18.

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***Good reasons for getting married***

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emotional security companionship desire to be parents

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Bad reasons for getting married

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physical attractiveness economic security pressure from others pregnancy escape rebellion rebound rescue

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In getting married people expect to

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undergo a rite of passage have sexual exclusivity and permanence to make an important commitment to another person.

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WHY INDIVIDUALS GET MARRIED

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--Marriage is a legal union between a man and a woman --The principal reason people get married is because they are in love.

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WHY INDIVIDUALS GET MARRIED Marriage for the right reasons

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--Emotional security--\"I want to fill an emptiness within myself. By getting married, a person hopes to establish emotional security-an enduring, close emotional relationship. --Companionship--\"I want to love and be loved by someone else\" This is actually the most important benefit that people in the United States expect to gain by getting married. This is another way of saying I want to avoid being alone. --Desire to be a parent--\"I want to have and raise children\": many Americans prefer to have children within marriage.

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WHY INDIVIDUALS GET MARRIED Marriage for the wrong reasons

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--Physical attractiveness or economic security --Pressure from parents, peers, partners--or pregnancy --Escape, rebellion, rebound, or rescue --The green-card fraudulent marriage

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HAPPINESS, MARRIAGE, AND RACE: THE INTERRACIAL EXPERIENCE

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--Interracial marriage: the background ----Miscegenation --Tolerance and acceptance: improved, but could be better ----Acceptance of mixed-race couples is more likely to be found in black families.

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THE EXPECTATIONS PEOPLE HAVE FOR MARRIAGE

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In getting married, people have several expectations 1. that they will undergo certain rituals or a rite of passage-engagement, marriage, honeymoon. 2. that they will have sexual exclusivity and permanence in their relationship 3. that they are making an important legal commitment.

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THE EXPECTATIONS PEOPLE HAVE FOR MARRIAGE Marriage as rite of passage

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--Engagement-the couples way of signaling to the world that they intend to marry. It provides the couple time to get to know each other better without the pressure of traditional dating. Gives them a chance for premarital counseling, discuss medical histories and explore whether they want to have children. --Wedding-at the minimum a civil event, involving the power of the state, partners are required to obtain a marriage license, blood test in some states, and in some states they have a waiting period. 20% of couples are married in civil ceremonies, 80% in religious ceremonies. --Honeymoon-Immediately following the wedding-the couple often take a trip or have a night in an inexpensive inn-its purpose is to allow the couple to recover from the stresses of the wedding and to begin their new identity as a legally wed couple. It is the socially sanctioned period in which it is understood that the couple may be free to have sexual relations.

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THE EXPECTATIONS PEOPLE HAVE FOR MARRIAGE Marriage in expectation of sexual exclusivity and of permanence

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In making a pledge of monogamous marriage, most partners assume that their relationship will be built around 2 promises to each other: SEXUAL EXCLUSIVITY and PERMANENCE. --SEXUAL EXCLUSIVITY-forsaking all others --PERMANENCE-so long as we both shall live

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THE EXPECTATIONS PEOPLE HAVE FOR MARRIAGE Marriage as a legal commitment

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--The covenant marriage contract-\"We want to demonstrate a stronger commitment to our marriage\". --The prenuptial agreement-\"Before marriage, we want to determine how property will be divided in the event of a divorce\" --The post nuptial agreement-\"Because of new circumstances in our marriage, we now want to determine how property will be divided in the event of divorce.

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Possible Items in a Prenuptial Agreement

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--A list of each person's assets, debts, and income. --What happens to assets if there is divorce or death. --Who are beneficiaries of pensions and retirement accounts. --Whether there will be a property settlement or alimony or spousal support.

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FAMILY LIFE HAS FOUR PHASES

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--Beginning, with perhaps greatest marital satisfaction; --Child rearing, often with less marital satisfaction. --Middle age, with more marital satisfaction. --Aging IN A FAMILY LIFE CYCLE, MEMBERS ROLES AND RELATIONSHIPS CHANGE, LARGELY DEPENDING ON HOW THEY HAVE TO ADAPT THEMSELVES TO THE ABSENCE OR PRESENCE OF CHILD REARING RESPONSIBILITIES.

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1. BEGINNING PHASE: GREATEST MARITAL SATISFACTION?

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--Identity bargaining-the realities of the marriage oblige spouses to adjust their idealized expectations of each other. --Loss of independence --New friends and relatives --Career and domestic roles

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2. CHILD-REARING PHASE: LESS MARITAL SATISFACTION?

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Studies show that marital satisfaction changes during the family life cycle. Marital happiness was highest before and after children were present, children can bring great joy, but they also require a great deal of effort,time, and responsibility on the part of the parents. children cost money that might other wise have gone for entertainment or investment, detract from the parents time with each other and have needs that put a lot of stress on the couple.

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CHILD-REARING PHASE: Stages of Child -Rearing

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--Childbearing Family--Last about 2 1/2 years (per child) --Family with Preschooler-Lasts about 3 1/2 years in this stage the oldest child is 2 1/2 to 6 years old. Parents are quite occupied with child rearing. --Family with school children--Lasts about 7 years-by this stage the oldest child is 6 to 13 years old. Mom usually rejoins the job market. --Family with adolescent--Lasts about 7 years-by this stage, the oldest child is 13 to 20 years old. This can be particularly trying time for parents. --Family as launching center--Lasts about 8 years-by this stage the oldest child is an adult and has been launched into independence. At this point marital satisfaction starts to rise.

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CHILD-REARING PHASE: Changes during the Child-Rearing Years

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--Work and other responsibilities-most cases both parents have to work outside the home. - Working-class parents may be stressed by the demands of commuting, job insecurity, low pay, and child-care demands.-Middle-class families may be strained by home, school, and after-school responsibilities as well as career. --Domestic Responsibilities-women still do most of their household and child-care and work. --Sexual Changes-frequency after marriage often declines and after children it declines even more so.

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3. MIDDLE-AGE PHASE: MORE MARITAL SATISFACTION?

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In terms of the family cycle of a traditional nuclear family, middle age is considered to start at about the time the last child has left the home and continues until retirement. Some parents often experience empty-nest syndrome. there is also the possibility of the boomerang effect when the kids come home. --IMPROVED MARITAL SATISFACTION-at this time the relationship between the marriage partners improves. Without children in the house, the parents can begin to enjoy each other more. Satisfaction may vary by culture and gender. --LACK OF MARITAL SATISFACTION-Certain occurrences can actually reduce marital satisfaction at midlife. If the child returns home 3 time or more; if the child is returning to household in which the parents are remarried rather than first-married; if the parents are in poor health. Or if the parents are now taking care of their parents.

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4. AGING PHASE

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Older couples hope that retirement will bring not only freedom from child-raising responsibilities but also enough income and leisure so that they can do the kinds of things they were unable to do when young and enjoy each other more. Of course, not everyone is so fortunate. Divorce, illness, job changes, financial reversals, and the need to care for older family members may erase such plans. --Factors to think about in the aging phase are: ----retirement ----caregiving responsibilities ----change in interactions between the couple ----One spouse outliving the other --Women may be less deferential to their husbands and apt to challenge their authority and men less patriarchal and more collaborative with their wives.

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Different Kinds of Marriage Relationships

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We consider two different kinds of marriage relationships 1. 5 types of enduring marriages 2. 4 types of good marriages and their built-in anti marriages.

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1. FIVE TYPES OF ENDURING MARRIAGES: CUBER AND HARROFF'S RESEARCH

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--Utilitarian Marriages : Three Types of Unions based on Convenience. --Intrinsic Marriages: Two Types of Inherently Rewarding Unions

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FIVE TYPES OF ENDURING MARRIAGES: CUBER AND HARROFF'S RESEARCH Utilitarian Marriages : Three Types of Unions based on Convenience

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A UTILITARIAN MARRIAGE IS ONE THAT IS BASED ON CONVENIENCE --Conflict-Habituated Marriages--\"We thrive on conflict\". A conflict-habituated marriage is characterized by tension and unresolved conflict. --Devitalized Marriages--\"our Marriage is a lost cause, but we're resigned to it. A devitalized marriage is one in which the partners have lost the strong emotional connection they once had but stay together out of duty. --Passive-Congenial Marriages--\"Our marriage is based on practicality, not emotion\". In a passive-congenial marriage, the couple focuses on activities rather than emotional intimacy, but unlike those in devitalized marriages, these couples seem always to have done so. These marriages were less likely to end in divorce than were marriages founded on higher expectations of emotional intensity.

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FIVE TYPES OF ENDURING MARRIAGES: CUBER AND HARROFF'S RESEARCH Intrinsic Marriages: Two Types of Inherently Rewarding Unions

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INTRINSIC MARRIAGES ARE MARRIAGES THAT ARE FUNDAMENTALLY REWARDING, unlike utilitarian marriages, intrinsic marriages have little conflict and tension. Such marriages are of two types: vital and total.

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FIVE TYPES OF ENDURING MARRIAGES: CUBER AND HARROFF'S RESEARCH Intrinsic Marriages: Two Types of Inherently Rewarding Unions Vital Marriages

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\"We really enjoy being together and sharing most of our lives. An uncommon form of enduring marriage--A vital marriage is one in which the partners are intensely bound together psychologically and participate in each other's lives in many areas. Couples find each others company and sharing important. If they have conflict, they resolve it quickly. Sex is vital and pleasurable it seems to pervade in the relationship.

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FIVE TYPES OF ENDURING MARRIAGES: CUBER AND HARROFF'S RESEARCH Intrinsic Marriages: Two Types of Inherently Rewarding Unions Total Marriages

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\"We intensely enjoy being together and sharing every area of our lives\". only 5%.--A total marriage is one in which the partners are also intensely bound together psychologically but participate in each other's lives in all, not just some, areas and have very few areas of tension or conflict. With this type of marriage if it is ended either by divorce or death it is devastating for the surviving partner.

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With a companionate marriage

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unlike the romantic or other types of marriages, spouses in a companionate marriage base their relationship on equality and friendship.

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2. FOUR TYPES OF \"GOOD MARRIAGES\" AND THEIR BUILD-IN \"ANTIMARRIAGES\": WALLERSTEIN AND BLAKESLEE'S RESEARCH

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1995 interviewed 50 northern California couples-white, well-educated, middle-class who were married 10 to 40 years. they proposed 4 types of good marriages: romantic, rescue, companionate, and traditional. Within each type, they suggested, are elements of an \"anti-marriage\" that might endanger the relationship.

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2. FOUR TYPES OF \"GOOD MARRIAGES\" AND THEIR BUILD-IN \"ANTIMARRIAGES\": WALLERSTEIN AND BLAKESLEE'S RESEARCH The Romantic Marriage

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\"Our passion will last forever--a romantic marriage is filled with passion and sex. Romantic ideas of destiny and ever after pervade and keep the couple in a blissful state. The Anti-marriage: The build-in possible seeds of destruction are the partners are so preoccupied with each other that they neglect their children and the rest of the world.

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2. FOUR TYPES OF \"GOOD MARRIAGES\" AND THEIR BUILD-IN \"ANTIMARRIAGES\": WALLERSTEIN AND BLAKESLEE'S RESEARCH The Rescue Marriage

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\"We're making up for out past unhappiness--Partners in a rescue marriage base their relationship on the idea of healing. The point of the marriage is to provide each other with comfort for past suffering and unhappiness of early days or earlier relationships. The Anti-marriage: Because husband and wife were wounded in the past, the relationship always allows the possibility for renewed strife based on earlier abuses.

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2. FOUR TYPES OF \"GOOD MARRIAGES\" AND THEIR BUILD-IN \"ANTIMARRIAGES\": WALLERSTEIN AND BLAKESLEE'S RESEARCH The Companionate Marriage

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\"We have a friendly, egalitarian relationship--In a companionate marriage, the spouses base their relationship on equality and friendship. They make time for each other and equally for their children. The Anti-marriage: If both spouses are too much involved in their respective careers, they might begin to spend less time with each other, and their relationship might become more like that of brother and sister.

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2. FOUR TYPES OF \"GOOD MARRIAGES\" AND THEIR BUILD-IN \"ANTIMARRIAGES\": WALLERSTEIN AND BLAKESLEE'S RESEARCH The Traditional Marriage

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\"He's the breadwinner, she's the homemaker--In a traditional marriage, the husband is the income earner; and the wife takes care of the home and children. This arrangement is the time-honored stereotypical his-and-her partnership. The Anti-marriage: In this classic relationship, the possibility is that the spouses will become so involved in their traditional roles and responsibilities that all they have in common is their interest in the children.

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WHAT CAN WER CONCLUDE?

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--Non-representative samples: None of the 3 classifications of marital/family relationships reflect the North American population at large. --Diverse marital relationships: These studies do not point to one kind being necessarily better than another. --No pointers for happy marriage: None of these seem to suggest a recipe for a stable and happy marriage.

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***WHAT MAKES FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE***

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Successful marriages are characterized by similar backgrounds, common characteristics and interests, economic security, and equity and equality in domestic work and child care. Marriage quality rests on commitment, acceptance and caring, and flexibility. --Marital success, also called marital quality, is measured in terms of stability, happiness, and flexibility

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GOOD MARRIAGES: WHAT THE RESEARCH SHOWS

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Five top factors that people consider very important to a successful marriage are: 1. Faithfulness 2. Happy sexual relationship 3. Sharing household chores 4. Adequate income 5. Good housing Others 6. Shared religious beliefs 7. Shared tastes and interests 8. Children 9. Agreement on politics

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GOOD MARRIAGES: WHAT THE RESEARCH SHOWS Similar Backgrounds: Homogamy

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--Homogamous marriages--that is marriages between partners of similar education, ethnicity, race, religion, age, and social class-are more apt to be successful that are heterogamous marriages. --Heterogamous marriages--are those in which the partners are of different education, ethnicity, race, religion, age, and/or social class. People who share similar backgrounds and characteristics can adjust more readily to each other

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GOOD MARRIAGES: WHAT THE RESEARCH SHOWS Commonalities: Similar Characteristics and Interests

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--Similar Temperaments --Shared Interests --Strong Family Ties on Both Sides --Similar Views on Children

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GOOD MARRIAGES: WHAT THE RESEARCH SHOWS Economic Status, Work, and Two-paycheck Couples

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Most people choose partners from within their socioeconomic class. The more income a couple has and the higher their occupational status, the more apt they are to say they have a good marriage. Working-class couples in contrast, may find that juggling their work lives, commuting, job insecurity, inadequate job security, inadequate finances, and child-care demands an ongoing struggle that severely taxes their marriage. Having both spouses in the workforce can have either a negative or positive effect depending on socioeconomic status.

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BOTH WORKING--THE NEGATIVE

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--Working-class wives whose paychecks are needed but whose jobs might not be fulfilling, are apt to come home bearing their work frustrations, resentments toward their husbands, and guilt over not being able to be full-time parents.

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BOTH WORKING--THE POSITIVE

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--Couples who have two careers usually not only have more income, which may allow them to pay for child-care and domestic help. Both partners may also find their work sufficiently satisfying that it has a positive effect on their mental health and on their marriage.

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GOOD MARRIAGES: WHAT THE RESEARCH SHOWS Domestic Work and Child Care: The Importance of Equity and Equality

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--EQUITY-means that partners give in proportion to what they receive. --EQUALITY-means that the partners have equal status and are equally responsible for domestic, financial, and emotional tasks. --Assignment of Responsibilities-who does what. who cooks, does laundry, mows the lawn, etc. --Agreement on Schedule-when will we do the shopping, cleaning, mowing the lawn, etc. --Setting of Standards-how perfectionistic should the execution be, how orderly-who determines it? How well these matters are resolved reflects each spouses commitment to the marriage.

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YOUR PERSONAL JOURNEY TO MARRIAGE SUCCESS

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How can you achieve marriage quality-stability, happiness, and adjustment. The first thing to realize is that marriage is a journey, not a destination and that the journey should be it own reward. Transformation of ecstasy and intensity into mature love that rest on commitment, acceptance and caring, and flexibility these are the marriages that last.

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YOUR PERSONAL JOURNEY TO MARRIAGE SUCCESS Commitment

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Couples in happy marriages see their union as a long-term commitment. This allows each partner to trust the other and be secure in the knowledge that the other will not leave.

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YOUR PERSONAL JOURNEY TO MARRIAGE SUCCESS Acceptance and Caring

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Partners in happy marriages are accepting of each other for what they are as individuals and as good friends. These couples genuinely like each other and respect, cherish, and care about each other. They value each other's lives as ends in themselves. Finally, they are emotionally supportive of each other. During stressful time, they are able to provide mutual comfort and understanding.

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YOUR PERSONAL JOURNEY TO MARRIAGE SUCCESS Flexibility

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--Static marriages don't change over time, don't allow for changes in the spouses, and rely on the fact of the legal marriage bond to enforce sexual exclusivity and permanence. --Flexible marriages allow the partners to change over time and to grow as individuals and in the relationship. Partners are freer to reveal their changing selves and the parts of themselves that no longer fit into their established pattern. Flexible marriages are ones in which the spouses are able to make adjustments in the relationship while being in agreement on the issues that matter and are able to solve most of the problems that arise overtime.

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YOUR PERSONAL JOURNEY TO MARRIAGE SUCCESS Vow renewals

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These are non-legal rites that many couples find satisfying. A vow renewal is a ceremony in which partners repeat their commitment to each other.

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YOUR PERSONAL JOURNEY TO MARRIAGE SUCCESS Personal Marriage Agreements

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A personal marriage agreement is a written agreement negotiated between married couples in which partners specify how they will behave in aspects of the relationship--their preferences, obligations, and sharing of labor and tasks. Among the matters that couples may specify are: 1. Division of labor both work and household. 2. How money will be handled and who will make what kinds of decisions. 3. Privacy needs. 4. Sexual relations, preferences, and frequency. 5. Relations with relatives and friends. 6. Religious practices. 7. Birth control and children. 8. Vacations, whether together or separate. 9. Renewal or renegotiation of marital agreement.

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STRUCTURAL-FUNCTIONAL (MACRO ORIENTATION)

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--Marriage helps maintain stability in society through manifest functions of sexual regulation and legitimacy of having children. --Marriage is viewed as means of providing economic and emotional support for spouses, as well as for offspring. --Families of divorce and single-parent families are viewed as instances of family deterioration. --Clearly defined sex/gender roles (instrumental and expressive) lend stability to marriage.

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CONFLICT (MACRO ORIENTATION)

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--Traditional marriage and rigid sex/gender roles hinder potential for both males and females, exploit females, and result in stress for women (2ndshift) and men. --Changing nature of marriage (divorce, same-sex marriage, and contract marriage) reflects the adaption of marriage to social pressures (economics, technology, social movements) and the need to legitimize other types of marriage. --Traditional marriage is a source of social inequality and results in conflict over scarce resources and power.

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SYMBOLIC INTERACTION (MICRO ORIENTATION)

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--Through social interaction, people create the definition of marriage, ranging from traditional male-female unions to same-sex unions. --They expect marriage to be lifetime commitment or at least a form of socially acceptable serial monogamy. --People's personal experiences from their families of origin affect their views on the type of marriage they desire, even if they don't choose to wed.

MARRIAGES AND FAMILIES CHAPTER 8

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