Tom-Boyish Lesbian Seldom Date
4) It is found that a Tom-boyish lesbian seldom date with another Tom-boyish lesbian. Please give possible explanations to the phenomenon. Tomboy refers to girls who act like boys in gestures, clothing, and so on (Hall, 2008). It is just a gender role, but not a sex. Also, tomboys may not be lesbians as tomboys are just wearing like boys and interested in masculine and physical activities (Hall, 2008). In my daily observations, tomboys always date with some pretty girls, but seldom date with tomboys. In the following will explain this phenomenon.
Everyone should have their superego, which is judge or censor for the thoughts of ego (Coon & Mitterer, 2010). The superego of tomboys may come from their father. In tomboys’ childhoods, their father may teach them how to behave. They may learn from it and discover that fathers’ behave like this can make others follow her. In addition, girls have penis envy, so girls may tends to admire the power that fathers have and through pretend like a boy to offset the penis envy. Through imagining having a penis, tomboys think that they own power, so they can control others.
It is because when they have penis envy, that means they do not have power. But in the reality, girls cannot have penis. So, some girls will choose to be a tomboy to act as a boy and therefore have “penis” to control others since controlled by others is like an eye is looking behind you (i. e. someone is monitoring and controlling you). To become a tomboy, they may want to overcome the residues of childhood. It is because childhood can affect the development of gender and interpersonal relationship. Also, we cannot learn the concept of gender, but obtain the gender concept when we were small by experienced something.
According to Freud’s stages of psychosexual development (Kipp & Shaffer, 2010), in phallic stage, children develop an incestuous desire for their opposite-sex parent. For girls, it is called Electra complex. This complex will trigger a conflict and anxiety for children since they have to learn their sex-role of their parents. If children have fixation in this stage, they may have gender problems. And girl may eventually become tomboys since they cannot recognize the role of girl. In fact, in some single-parent families, such as loss of father, if the role of father can be fulfilled, children can develop normally. Read also How to Date a Browngirl.
However, if the gap of father cannot be fulfilled, children may not grasp the law of the society or even the world, since no one teaches them about these, some strange concepts may be developed. And therefore children will generate the concepts, like gender concept. If they are fixated in their own world, problems will occur. Many of my tomboy friends are grown up in a single-parent family; I think they may fixate in the period when one of the parents was left. Since their parents have to work to earn money, housework will be finished by them. This trained them to become more tough and strong, just like a boy.
Also, they love showing off in front of the public. It is because they want to show how strong they are, and proving their abilities. Therefore, when two tomboys come together, they want to compete with each other as they have a high degree of control of power. Moreover, during phallic stage, children learn from the father figure which is a superman image. Children think that father is powerful since they can make mother close to him, so they may want to replace him. Therefore, father and they are opponents. Especially the girls do not accept the fact that they are females, they have the thought of replacement of their fathers in their minds.
The penis envy is very deep and strong, and they think their abilities can also finish the tasks that fathers can do, like caring mother, playing masculine activities. They think the father role should be taken by them. In addition, a tomboy thinks she own a ‘penis’, with this ‘penis’, she has power. If there is another tomboy, she may has the feeling of that tomboy is threatening her. It is because she has the concept of “tomboys have penis”, the ownership of the power in the existing environment is being grabbed by the other tomboy. Thus, conflicts and contradictions may be occurred.
As a result, both tomboys will discover that both of them are not boys and do not have penis. That means both of them do not have power to control, they may feel depress and do not know how to deal with it. Finally they will reject each other. Reference Coon, D. , & Mitterer, J. O. (2010). Introduction to psychology: Gateways to mind and behavior (12th ed. ). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth. Hall, J. M. (2008). Tomboys: Meanings, marginalization, and misunderstandings. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 29, 555-565. Kipp, K. , & Shaffer, D. R. (2010). Developmental Psychology: Childhood and Adolescence (8th ed. ). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.