Concealed Realities: The Widespread Issues of Domestic Violence Essay Example

partner through verbal assault. Insulting their worth by belittling them- referring to them as worthless, stupid, ugly, dumb, idiot, irresponsible, etc. Over time, the partner receiving the verbal abuse starts believing these hurtful words, and their self-esteem diminishes.

Physical abuse often starts with a shove and escalates to a punch, resulting in a severe beating that can cause serious harm or death. This pattern of behavior affects both household members and individuals outside it. The term "power and control" is used to describe these manipulative tactics.

Various methods exist for exerting power and control, including threats, intimidation, public humiliation, fault-finding, and victim blaming. Coping with abuse can have detrimental effects on an individual's mental, physical, and emotional health and may result in severe depression. To ensure survivors receive the necessary assistance, it is vital for them to vocalize their experiences and seek support. As a survivor myself, I have personally encountered these challenges.

While domestic violence is often linked to male-on-female abuse, it can also impact men and children. It arises when an individual loses control of their anger and turns to violence. Specialists posit that experiencing anger can overwhelm individuals emotionally, leading to distorted perceptions and reactions. This altered state validates their anger and aggression, resulting in enduring modifications within the brain's neural networks. Perpetrators employ controlling strategies to instill fear in their victims.

In the book Getting Free You Can End Abuse and Take Back Your Life, it is mentioned that emotional abuse or power and control tactics can be more challenging to handle compared to physical abuse because they exert a strong grip on the victim, making it arduous for them to break free. Some victims

cling onto the hope that their abuser will alter their behavior and treat them with love and respect. The impact of abuse not only affects the abuser and victim but also extends to their children, other family members, and friends. Living in such an environment poses significant difficulties, especially when one attempts to conceal the abuse.

Concealing bruises through actions like using makeup, wearing long sleeves in warm weather, and pretending everything is fine to protect children can lead to depression. I personally experienced this when I hid a black eye after a heated argument with my abuser. The altercation happened because my abuser became jealous and saw a harmless hug from another man as disrespectful.

My abuser maintains the belief that women should not embrace men who are not relatives or partners. In the midst of a disagreement, I challenged him about his immature perspective and conveyed my disinterest in arguing with someone who is narrow-minded. Nevertheless, he reacted by forcefully striking me, resulting in me being thrown to the ground. Determined to defend myself, I retaliated but it had no effect on him. Eventually, I accepted defeat and remained lying on the floor until he eventually stopped attacking and departed from the location. The experience left me completely stunned as numerous thoughts raced through my mind.

My assailant was someone I loved, who proposed marriage and with whom I had children. After the assault, I went to the bathroom and witnessed the damage inflicted upon my once beautiful face. I contacted my baby sister and requested her assistance in caring for my daughter for a week.

Upon her visit to my house, she witnessed the multitude of

emotions conveyed through my facial expression. I beseeched her to maintain confidentiality, while she inquired about the events with a simple question, "What happened?" Overwhelmed by the situation, I instinctively took responsibility instead of placing blame on someone else. Requesting her assistance in caring for the girls during this time, I hoped to shield them from witnessing me in such a state until my face recovered. After two days had passed, there was a significant decrease in swelling.

Although I didn't want to, I had to go back to work where I expected a lot of questions. To hide my black eye, I put on makeup and tried to act like it didn't bother me. But people could tell that something was wrong. While we were on our lunch break, a coworker came up to me quietly and offered her support. She reassured me that she would be there for me whenever I needed help.

While conversing, the speaker discussed her personal experience in an abusive relationship and acknowledged her familiarity with warning signs. Additionally, she extended support to others. However, a co-worker openly criticized her by bluntly stating, "Allowing any man to physically harm you is foolish."

"Why would I let him do that? Are there any signs of abuse?" inquired one individual. The reply came as, "You're unwise for remaining with him. Only someone lacking strength would permit themselves to endure such treatment. I wouldn't tolerate anyone invading my personal space." These women failed to comprehend the profound impact their words had on a survivor. When an individual is subjected to abuse, their mind becomes consumed by thoughts regarding what went awry, how to better the

situation, and seeking inner confidence, serenity, and happiness. They also strive to prevent future assaults. Uttering something inappropriate has the potential to trigger a psychological breakdown in the victim.

Psychological abuse, also known as name-calling, compounds the existing fears of individuals who are already afraid of their abuser. One aspect of this type of abuse is isolation. According to Walker's research, victims of physical abuse experienced increased seclusion while living with their abusers compared to those who did not experience abuse. This abusive behavior persisted for a period of two years and affected both my children and myself through methods that were mental, verbal, public embarrassment, and physical in nature. The children even started imitating the actions they saw and heard. The breaking point occurred when he tried to kill me in front of our children during a visit to the doctor's office.

During the incident, my partner choked me while I was holding one of our daughters. The entire event was witnessed by my co-worker, who promptly called the police. As a result, the children were removed from the situation.

The next day, a child protective services agent and a domestic violence counselor came to my home. I had told them that I could take care of the children as their relative, rather than them being placed under child protective services. Both professionals agreed that it was necessary to remove the children from their current environment unless we got a restraining order. This statement was crucial in the situation.

A restraining order was issued on the individual mentioned in this account in 2002, which is still in effect. Unfortunately, certain victims are unable to separate from their abusers

for various reasons including fear of starting over, hoping for a change in the abuser's behavior, not wanting to disrupt the family unit, or facing religious and language barriers.

As stated in "Everything You Need to Know About Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence," abusers are driven by a fear of losing control. Although leaving the abuser is often the optimal solution, it is crucial for victims to recognize that their abuser may persist in causing harm.

The statistics surrounding domestic violence are alarming as they reveal a significant number of individuals who have experienced such abuse.

The prevalence of physical violence from intimate partners is high, with approximately 33% of women and 25% of men experiencing it in their lifetime, according to the Center for Disease Control (www.cdc.gov). Around 25% of women and 14% of men have encountered severe physical violence at some point. In addition, stalking behaviors from partners have been experienced by a significant number of individuals, with about 14% of women and 6% of men feeling extreme fear or believing harm would occur. Recognizing signs of an abusive relationship can be challenging but includes indicators such as excessive apologies, noticeable behavioral changes, denial, concealing evidence for physical abuse, and fear evident in the eyes when facing the partner.

The main signs to be cautious of are individuals who isolate themselves from others while in a relationship, consistently check in with their partner, decline social events they previously attended, and prioritize their partner's satisfaction. If the victim does not exhibit these signs, it is crucial to observe their partner's behavior. Seek controlling tendencies, efforts to isolate them, reluctance to apologize when at fault, and attempts to

completely transform them. When an individual undergoes significant changes and distances themselves from others, it is highly likely that they are in an unhealthy relationship.

Previously, the family had been notified about their ordeal of enduring constant physical abuse. Despite obtaining a restraining order, it did not effectively prevent him from attempting to intimidate me. Consequently, on the same day that the restraining order was issued, he forcibly invaded our residence. As a consequence, the following morning we loaded all of our possessions into the van.

Despite facing limited resources, the objective was to attain a higher quality of life. However, all achievements and aspirations were postponed due to the relocation. After settling into the new apartment, I observed a notable alteration in the children's conduct, which could be attributed to witnessing and enduring abuse. Consequently, the children experienced psychological trauma and are in need of counseling. Acquiring assistance through counseling is imperative for anyone seeking aid.

Counseling is a helpful way for individuals to address the underlying causes of their problems, without suggesting any mental instability, illness, or neurosis. Counseling can be offered to individuals, couples, children, and families. Some questions that may arise include: "Did something in the past contribute to someone's anger building up? Why is their behavior manifesting in this way?" People who choose to direct their anger towards their partner do so because they were exposed to this behavior during their upbringing. In some cases, they may have experienced abuse themselves or witnessed a family member going through abuse. It is through these experiences that they learn how to resolve conflicts using similar methods.

When it comes to abuse, seeking individual support before addressing

the issue as a couple or family is crucial. Some people may doubt the effectiveness of counseling in such situations. According to Yount, victims who face physical or emotional abuse, or control from their partners, often cannot freely communicate as counseling encourages. Speaking openly to a therapist or counselor in the abuser's presence can endanger them once they return home. This situation aligns with the well-known saying: "A person can only do what you allow them to do." This statement remains valid.

So, if a victim allows their partner to repeatedly hit them, it is believed that they deserve it. It is highly unlikely for someone to remain in a harmful relationship unless they have a liking for it. Some experts even argue that the abuser should not be solely blamed for their actions since victims know how to provoke them. Victims are well aware of what triggers the batterer's reaction, as they derive some level of satisfaction from being hit. There is a belief among some that if their partner doesn't hit them, then they are neither loved nor wanted.

Some victims of domestic violence intentionally provoke their abuser to seek attention, taking on the victim role despite being the instigators of conflicts. This leads them to falsely accuse their abuser and involve law enforcement, ultimately highlighting society's apathy towards domestic violence.

False accusations can cause great harm to everyone involved, including the accused, the accuser, and their loved ones. The victim's reputation is completely destroyed by the false information they have spread. The accused now has to work hard to defend their good name, while those who previously sympathized with the victim begin to feel disgusted.

People who were once close to the victim will start to distance themselves as a consequence. Consequently, the alleged victim may exhibit behaviors typically observed in victims of abuse, excluding physical harm.

People who experience an abusive relationship may face increased skepticism in the future. As for those who are wrongly accused, they must reconstruct their life gradually. Their reputation is damaged and they are seen as disgraceful by the public and even some relatives. Family members who supported them find relief in the truth. However, even if the individual is innocent, they may not regain their job due to irreversible consequences. The label attached to them causes difficulties in everyday activities.

Despite being proven innocent of a heinous act, one would still experience judgmental glances and condescending remarks. Those who observe the situation from an external perspective perceive the individual as guilty, based on their surroundings. In summary, society ought to recognize the distinction between genuine victims and those who feign victimhood. It is incorrect to blame all victims of abuse, as some of them actually desire to escape their circumstances.

There are individuals who are too afraid to leave a domestic violence situation due to financial instability or the desire to keep the family together. In order for society to truly understand the reality of domestic violence, it is important to examine learned behaviors, causes, effects, and signs of both victims and abusers. Personal experiences, facts, and evidence support this understanding. The topic is well explained and articulated to ensure comprehension by all.

Works Cited

1. Kinstlinger-Bruhn, Charlotte. Everything You Need to Know About Breaking The Cycle of Domestic Violence. The Rosen Publishing Group, INC, 1997.

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'Handbook of Anger Management and Domestic Violence Offender Treatment.' 2015. n.d. 3.

'The Battered Woman Syndrome.' Springer Publishing Company, 2000. 33.

'www.cdc.gov.' n.d. www.cdc.gov/violence/pdf/nisvs_report2010-apdf. October 2018.
'Yount, Lisa. 'How Can Domestic Violence Be Prevented.' Thomas Gale, 2006.

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