Active Listening and Empathy in Counselling

style="text-align: justify">However, to be truly effective within the client/ helper relationship the helper must maintain their own stance within the empathic response and to enter gently into the clients’ inner world. To have an ability to enter the client’s world without ‘losing’ yourself completely while fully comprehending the clients point of view. Nelson–Jones (1995) includes Roger’s statement of empathy as ‘To sense the clients’ private world as if were your own but without ever losing the ‘as if’ quality – this is empathy... ’ (p99).

Milne (2007) describes it as retaining one’s ‘own sense of self’. (p36). It can have a negative effect on the relationship if the helper loses themselves in another’s emotion. The helper must to maintain their own ’being’ to be able to continue the support of the client. A sobbing helper cannot continue supporting the client effectively. As an example, in one role play session where I was the helper, I found myself becoming absorbed in the client’s feelings because I had experienced similar feelings in my childhood.

I became so involved that I found it quite difficult to return to my role and form my next response. Reflecting on this later I discovered that it was also my personal liking for my client that helped lose me in their emotion. I put too much of myself into the situation and found it difficult to move on. The dictionary (1988) defines the word empathy as, ‘The power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings’. I particularly like the word power in this definition as I feel that a truly empathic helper can bring about powerful reactions within

the client.

I have personally been lucky enough to have been supported through my life by someone who always had a truly empathic understanding of my feelings and emotions. When I needed support they always understood exactly how I was feeling and was always available when I needed help, unconditionally and with total focus, leaving me with clearer feelings and the strength to move forward. Personally I feel the genuine use of empathy is one of the skills at the very centre of understanding in the counselling process and I hope to draw upon my experiences to make sure I use my empathic understanding to truly identify with the client’s perspective.

Only then will I feel I can presume to offer more. Hazel Johns (2007) believes that the ‘power’ should be seen as ‘the capacity to effect change’ rather than as in the traditional sense of the ‘ability to control’. (p69). She goes on to say that when ‘... adequate support and empathic acceptance are present, challenge can be creative, purposeful and effective in helping people change or change the view of themselves or others’. (p128). In this particular instance she refers to counsellor training and the need for support within a group, however the same can be applied to the individual, both the client and the helper.

As an example, I recently voiced my very real concerns to a friend at work regarding assignments I need to complete shortly. When I look back now at the response she gave me I can only say that it was completely lacking in any empathic understanding. I was left feeling undervalued and that my

emotions, which were genuine to me, were belittled and unimportant. The conversation became awkward and finished abruptly. In that moment I lost the power to move forward. The clients’ reaction to experiencing empathy can be very powerful in bringing about change.

Nelson-Jones (1995) feels that when the client experiences the Core Conditions of Congruence, UPR and Empathy it has influence on their own core conditions, so helping to develop a climate for a less defensive attitude and a willingness to take risks when experiencing deep feelings. He goes on to explain that these conditions enable the client to have a greater empathic response towards themselves; that it produces a greater awareness within the client and therefore a greater understanding of their feelings and emotions.

The client then feels supported or ‘held’ so that they feel they can divulge any shocking, fearful and inappropriate feelings and be received in a non-judgemental way. He feels that ‘Having their feelings sensitively listened to provides clients with the opportunity to experience and explore these feelings and so understand them better. ’ (p40). The dictionary (1988) explains the word ‘skill’ as a ‘special ability... acquired by training’. A person becomes ‘skilled’ when they can demonstrate accomplishment.

In a therapeutic relationship an accomplished use of active listening and empathy, used alongside other skills can, from the evidence gathered, produce an environment in which the client can change and grow. There is a general belief that this can only happen when the correct conditions for change are available to produce that environment. Nelson-Jones (1995) feels that the importance of these skills is so great that ‘Counsellors who insufficiently possess

these attitudinal conditions may increase their clients’ incongruence, negative self-regard and lack of empathy to themselves and others.

. He goes on to say that Rogers also believes that, ‘it is the quality of the interpersonal encounter with the client which is the most significant element in determining effectiveness’. The skills discussed here, along with others, form a complex and symbiotic relationship which helps support the client through the therapeutic process. Used on their own they have limited benefits but used together along with a high quality of understanding they can create a positive environment in which the client can develop.

Rogers’ (1986) studies helped him understand that every person has an ability within himself/herself for change and, ‘vast resources for self-understanding, for altering his or her self-concept, attitudes and self-directed behaviour and that these resources can be tapped only if a definable climate of facilitative psychological attitudes can be provided’ (p. 197). He accumulated much evidence in his career which showed that his theories did indeed help the client to become a more rounded individual.

He says that evidence shows ‘that individuals who live in such a relationship even for a relatively limited number of hours show profound and significant changes in personality, attitudes and behaviour... ’ It is that statement which I feel emphasises the importance of the two skills I have chosen to highlight within a client/ helper relationship. They are of course extremely important as the foundation for the process of understanding to begin but also for developing and maintaining that process and to help the client towards change .