Saturday 15th August 1910
Only two more days left of the holidays now. Hope our plan to raise our wages goes OK, because I really do think we deserve it, we work hard enough.
Monday 17th August 1910
Got the sack today over a miserly 2/6d! All we wanted was a bit more money to get by on. Not as if we were asking for a fortune, that Birling wouldn't miss it he's got plenty enough. What's worse is that Liz has also lost her job and she has got three children to care for and I can't help feeling responsible. I'm going to have to look for another job now, which isn't exactly going to be easy with all these strikes going on. Mrs. Edwards has already told me that she'd throw me out if I can't pay my rent this week. The girls from the
...factory have offered to help me all they can, but I couldn't take their hard-earned money.
Wednesday 3rd December 1910
Stroke of luck today! Got me a job at Milwards in town, apparently, they've lost a lot of staff due to the influenza outbreak and they're really busy due to Christmas run-up. I start tomorrow morning. I hope my boss will be nicer than Mr. Birling.
Thursday 25th January 1911
Looking forward to going to work today, I really enjoy my work at Milwards. It's nice to be amongst all the nice clothes and it makes a change from the dingy factory although I do miss Liz and the girls. Miss Francis is really pleased with the way I'm doing my work but some of the customers are very difficult though. One young girl, who
always comes in with her mother, kicked up a right fuss yesterday.
Friday 4th February 1911
The injustice of it! I've been given my marching orders and I didn't even do anything. Apparently, some customer complained about me. It must have been that snooty cow. Now I've lost another job all because some poor little rich girl threw a tantrum. I hate that her so much, I am so sick of these rich people who keep messing up my life. I really liked that job as well and I was good at it.
Tuesday 1st of March
I just don't know what to do, I've got no money to pay the rent or to buy food and my brown dress and shoes are wearing thin. The only thing for is to go down the Palace. I'm going to change my name though, I want to make a completely fresh start and leave the old Eva Smith behind.
Friday 11th March 1911
I wish that horrible, fat, old Joe Meggarty would just leave me alone every night he sees me he insists on coming over.
Tuesday 15th March 1911
I met the loveliest man ever tonight. He looked really out of place at the palace . When he came over and rescued me from Meggarty I could have kissed him. Really posh hotel that we went to, but why did I let slip that I was hungry, he probably thinks I was trying to scrounge some money from him. The meal the hotel staff got me will keep me going for at least a few days though. I must get some sleep these late nights aren't doing me any good.
Friday 17th March 1911
Gerald is
simply marvelous, he has found me a place to live for the next few months, and it's beautiful too. I think I may be falling in love with him but I know I can't ever tell him that. I do find it strange though that he hasn't a wife or girlfriend I would have thought he would have been snapped up by now.
Monday 20th July 1911
Seeing Gerald again tonight can't wait. I'm going to wear the new dress that he bought me from Milwards, how I would have loved to have seen Miss Francis's face if she had known it was for me.
Sunday, August 12th, 1911
Gerald stayed round at my house last night. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Although it is a little embarrassing to keep taking his money. But he insists I do and anything is better than working at the palace.
Wednesday 4th September 1911
I don't know what I'm going to do without Gerald. He was my only reason for living. I'm so stupid for thinking that he could possibly like a girl like me as anything other than a poor girl that he took pity on. I'm not the same as him, he's extremely rich and he chooses to marry any girl he likes who is from the same class as him. Not me, what do I have to offer him?
Friday 10th October 1911
I love the seaside; it's really helping me to clear my head. Those were the best six months with Gerald that I have ever had and probably will ever have but I know I've got to try and put it behind me. I think
I will have to return to the palace because the sum of money Gerald has given isn't lasting as long as I would have hoped.
Thursday 2nd November 1911
I went back to the palace last night and met a boy called Eric, he was a bit drunk but he seemed OK. He bought me a drink, and because I hadn't eaten I felt a bit drunk myself. He walked me home and insisted on coming in. I told him I didn't want him to but was making a real row, so I gave in. Besides, he could have got me thrown out of my room if he carried on making all that racket.
Thursday 17th November 1911
Eric was at the palace again last night. He was less drunk though, I think he was a little embarrassed about the other night, but he was quite nice, funny too. He stayed the night again.
Saturday 6th December 1911
I can't believe this has happened to me, I'm pregnant! I'm going to have to tell Eric. He can't help me he's practically a child himself. Oh, what am I going to do?
Monday 1st January, 1912
How can I marry Eric? It was very kind of him to offer but I don't love him and he doesn't love me, I barely know him. It just wouldn't work.
Wednesday, February 15th, 1912
How could Eric do this, if I'd have known that the money he has been giving me was stolen I would have never agreed to take it, what kind of person does he think I am? I don't ever want to see him again.
Saturday, April 18th, 1912
I've decided to try and get some help from
the women's charity in Brumley, I don't know who else to turn to, they're my last hope. I'm too ashamed to tell them what happened between Eric and me so I'm going to tell them that my name is Mrs. Birling and my husband Eric deserted me. It's strange that last year Mr. Birling had sacked me and now I'm carrying a child who should legally have that very same surname.
Sunday 21st April 1912
Those nasty crows at the charity refused to help me because they didn't believe my story. I can't even feed and clothe myself let alone a child too. All I was asking for is a bit of was a bit of help in finding a house and maybe a job.
Friday 30th April 1912
What kind of mother would I be? I haven't even got a steady job. It's for the best, I know it is for the baby and me. Nobody will even notice that I'm dead. How I wish that this could have been Gerald's child. I would have married him because I really did love him. It was easy for him just to leave me and let me get myself back together again; maybe if he knew how much I really did love him then he wouldn't have left. Oh, what am I talking about of course he didn't love me, how could he? Then I let myself get involved with that idiot boy Eric and now I've left with this baby, poor creature. What a mess, this is all my fault, I don't know how I could I have been so stupid. I just wish I could go to sleep
and never wake up, I just can't bring a child into the world. It's not fair, I'm too tired even just to live how could I manage to look after a baby too. No, this is the best way to leave all my troubles behind.
