Throughout my life, one decision I made when I was younger has stayed with me.
When it came to my two cultures, which were the only ones I had ever known, I faced a challenging decision. Both Buddhism and Christianity played a major role in shaping me as I grew up. However, conflicting opinions within my family regarding which cultural practices my siblings and I should follow constantly put me in conflict. As a result, throughout my childhood, I often found myself having to choose between the two worlds that had molded me.
Despite never feeling like I belonged to either side of my family, I now see being caught between two cultures as a positive thing. At first, I found it unfortunate not to fully embrace either the black or Vietnamese culture. However, I have since discovered th
...at it is possible to navigate and embrace multiple cultures, regardless of what others may say.
As I grew older, I came to understand that there was no need for me to make a choice between my two cultures. This understanding arose from facing challenges, having new experiences, and discovering my true identity. Some scents, like the ones emitted by candles, have the power to instantly transport you back to cheerful moments in the past. Moments when your main worry was deciding what to wear for school the next day. Personally, the scent that brings me back to simpler times is Bo Luc Lac. While my mother gets ready to cook tonight's meal, I can hear the sound of garlic sizzling in a pan as she prepares the vegetables.
Seated in our cramped living room, I am captivated by Disney Channel
shows alongside my siblings. These moments remind me of the unexpected rush of nostalgia that can occur, causing a clash between my two cultures and resulting in emotional turmoil. This clash is heavily influenced by the upbringing of my father.
Brought up by a single mother, my dad was raised with four siblings. Family always held immense importance for them. They would regularly gather every Sunday to attend church together and then enjoy family dinners afterwards. Growing up in a small rural town in Texas, my dad spent significant time with his family. His cousins were like brothers to him, and his grandmother played the role of a mother figure.
Despite my mom's distinct encounter, it was shaped by the Vietnam War. When she was in her twenties, my grandma immigrated to the United States and wedded my military grandfather, ultimately establishing their home in Phoenix. Raised with a profound Vietnamese heritage, my grandma instilled in her children a deep connection to their roots. As I matured, this influence left a long-lasting impression on me.
During my teenage years, I was expected by my family to develop my own thoughts and make choices. This frequently led me to confront the challenge of picking between two worlds that had influenced my upbringing. However, in both branches of my family, I consistently experienced a feeling of not completely belonging. I was either perceived as not genuinely black or insufficiently Vietnamese to fully grasp the circumstances surrounding me.
Previously, perceiving the burden of grappling with two cultures was a negative aspect of my life. Yet now, I view it as a positive advantage. Contrary to some beliefs, I firmly reject the notion
that one cannot embrace multiple cultures. With age, I learned that there was no need for me to decide between these two cultures. This epiphany arose from enduring hardships, exploring novel encounters, and acquiring a more profound comprehension of my true identity. In my youth, I resided in blissful unawareness.
Prior to my father's departure, I resided in a state of unawareness and isolation from the external world. However, everything transformed when it became solely my mother, brother, sister, and myself. Consequently, I began devoting most of my time with my grandmother while my mother was occupied with work. Throughout this period, I wholeheartedly embraced her culture by engaging in Vietnamese customs and joining her on visits to the Buddhist temple.
Upon discovering my attendance at a Buddhist church, my father's family had varying reactions. They insisted that I should be going to a Christian church and concentrating on embracing my "African roots." This created additional pressure from both sides of my family. Additionally, matters worsened when I began attending an unfamiliar school in a completely different environment, which deviated greatly from what I was accustomed to. The commencement of school became a crucial moment in my life.
Despite the slow progression of the school year, I continued to lack any friendships. My daily routine involved sitting alone in class, eagerly anticipating the end of lunchtime so I could return to the comfort of my family. However, I made a conscious decision to accept and value my unique identity, refusing to let it hinder me. Gradually, I started appreciating my diverse cultural background and took pride in not conforming to societal norms. This newfound confidence motivated me to
forge new friendships, eventually finding a group where I felt accepted and belonged.
The knowledge I gained from this experience has had a positive impact on me both at school and at home. It has not only increased my curiosity to learn more about my heritage and embrace cultural differences rather than resisting them, but it has also allowed me to acquire new skills such as cooking traditional Vietnamese dishes taught by my mother and styling cornrows in my hair inspired by my father. These abilities have greatly shaped my identity, values, and personal growth.
My personal growth has been greatly influenced by the knowledge I gained from different people and sources. These experiences, whether good or bad, have shaped me and given me a better understanding of my culture. Instead of hiding it, I now fully embrace it. During high school, I gradually discovered my passion for painting and ceramics.
Having a hobby served two purposes for me: it occupied my leisure time and allowed me to release pent-up emotions. Additionally, I cultivated a strong friendship that resembled a sisterly bond. This transformative experience coincided with my engagement in both Buddhist and Christian congregations. By immersing myself in these distinct religious practices, I recognized their potential to shape my perspective on life. Consequently, I not only gained a deeper admiration for my Vietnamese background but also started embracing my African American heritage.
My art reflects the impact of various influences on my choices. The values taught by my grandmother during my upbringing became even more important to me. Because my mother followed traditional Vietnamese customs, I had to navigate the challenges of being both African American and Vietnamese
by myself. A significant moment occurred when a Caucasian classmate repeatedly used a derogatory racial slur towards me for several weeks.
I was faced with a challenging situation where I had no guidance from my mom, who lacks expertise in such matters. Without any means of communication with my dad, I had to navigate these situations on my own for the first time. As time went on, conflicts within my household continued to escalate. While my mom strongly believed that the word n*gger was derogatory and should never be used because of its historical significance, my friends casually used it as a term of solidarity.
In terms of cultural matters, my mother and I frequently had divergent views - especially regarding clothing preferences. In Vietnamese culture, women are traditionally expected to dress modestly, a principle instilled in my mom during her upbringing. However, I chose to adopt a contrasting style influenced by my cousins who were enthusiastic supporters of hip hop culture.
In her article for The Black Scholar, Johnnetta B. Cole argues that black Americans are a distinct subculture referred to as "n*gger culture," a term commonly used to describe African American culture. This subculture encompasses three types of components: elements from mainstream American culture, shared aspects with other oppressed groups, and unique characteristics specific to the black community. Below are some examples from each category.
Black Americans and mainstream America have many similarities in terms of material culture, values, and behavior patterns. However, disagreements can arise within African American households despite these shared characteristics. These disparities have motivated me to assert my individuality and discover my true identity. Although some may believe that transitioning between cultures is
not feasible, I strongly disagree with this notion. As I matured, both my personal decisions and the influence of my family greatly impacted my growth. The constant pressure to conform made me question the path I should take.
In high school, I became independent and it influenced my perspective on family and the importance of staying together. Previously, I held resentment towards certain family members who placed pressure on me to pick between my two cultures. However, during high school, I gained freedom to make my own choices and discovered that I could embrace both cultures without familial interference. This realization has had numerous positive effects on me. One example is my baptism by my cousin, a baptist church pastor, which was a decision I made independently.
I elected to embrace Christianity as my faith, a decision I made independently. Ultimately, through enduring hardships, gaining fresh perspectives, and uncovering my identity, I discovered that I didn't have to make a choice between my two cultures; I could wholeheartedly embrace both. This realization came after numerous attempts and mistakes, and the experiences I encountered have shaped the person I have become. Presently, I possess a newfound gratitude for how my cultures have influenced my development into the individual I am today.
