Marriage Exam 2 chapter 6
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3 types of liking and loving, most important?
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self-love, friendship, friendship and love; family is earliest and most important source of love and emotional support
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Self-love
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love for oneself is \"essential for our social and emotional development & a prerequisite for loving others\" (Fromm); an important basis for self-esteem according to social scientists. People who like themselves are more open to criticism and less demanding of others; those who don't like themselves seek relationships that will bolster their poor self image
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friendship
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friends affect physical, social, and psychological health; people w/strong friendships experience less stress b/c friends offer physical assistance and emotional support; friends differ and can help us with things from financial advice to highly personal or spiritual issues
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qualities of friendship
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enjoyment acceptance trust respect mutual support confiding understanding honesty
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qualities of love
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includes all the qualities of friendship sexual desire priority over other relationships caring to the point of great self-sacrifice (relationships can start as friendship & develop into love) ( love and friendship develop over time)
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What is love?
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no universally agreed on definition of love; affectionate feelings can change; acceptable expressions of love vary across time and cultures
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characteristics of love
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multifaceted, based on respect, often demanding; parental love is strong and deep, romantic love is often short lived, many couples experience long-term love
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what attracts people?
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cultural norms and values bring people together; potential lovers are filtered by formal and informal rules based on: age, race, social class, religion, sexual orientation, health and physical appearance
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lust vs love
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sexual desire may not lead to romantic love; sexual desire does not culminate in sexual intercourse; romantic love and long term love are not synonymous
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sexual arousal
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physiological response that may or may not be conscious
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sexual desire
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psychological state in which a person wants to obtain a sexual object that one does not now have and engage in a sexual activity in which one is not now engaging
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romantic love
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an intense feeling that can provide happiness when fulfilled or deep suffering when the feeling isn't reciprocated
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reasons for falling in love
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physically attracted to each other, shared interests, seeking companionship, want to have fun
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caring
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helping another person by providing aid and emotional support; relationship becomes more intimate when a person is sensitive to his or her partner's needs
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kinds of intimacy
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physical, affective, verbal ( all kinds foster commitment)
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self-disclosure
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offering honest thoughts and feelings to another person in the hope that truly open communication will follow
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intimacy
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people experience intimacy when they: share a mutual emotional interest, have some sort of history together, have a distinct sense of identity as a couple, hold a reciprocal commitment to a continued relationship, share hopes and dreams for a common future
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commitment
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a person's intention to remain in a relationship and work through problems; positive aspects include affection, companionship, trust
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commitment can arise out of:
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sense of loyalty to one's partner; religious, legal, or moral belief in the sanctity of marriage; continued optimism about future rewards; strong emotional attachments
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biochemistry of love theory
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biological perspective; love is grounded in evolution, biology, and chemistry; MRI studied brain activity and found an interplay between hormones, chemicals, and neurotransmitters in creating love. Dompamine is released, norepinephrine creates elation, oxytocin promotes trust and other positive feelings, endorphins take over as infatuation wanes and attachment grows
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sociological perspective on love
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claims that culture plays a role in forming love
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attachment theory
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proposes that infants need to develop a relationship with at least one primary caregiver for normal social and emotional development; styles include secure, avoidant, and anxious/ambivalent
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secure style attachment
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infants with sensitive and responsive mothers were secure in their attachment; babies showed some distress when left with a stranger, but when the mother returned, they clung for a short time then went back to playing; adults are more trusting and confident of their romantic partner's love
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avoidant style attachment
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infants who had been reared by caregivers who ignored their physical and emotional needs ignored their mothers after they returned; adults had little trust for others, the most cynical beliefs about love, and couldn't handle intimacy or commitment.
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anxious/ambivalent style attachment
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when mothers were inconsistent in showing affection, babies showed distress at separation but rejected their mothers when they returned; tendency to fall in love easily and want a commitment almost immediately
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Reiss's Wheel Theory of Love
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Rapport, Self-revelation, mutual dependency, personality need fulfillment; (four stages compared to spokes of a wheel & can be repeated); spokes may keep turning to produce a deep and lasting relationship; wheel may stop after a few turns; but ignores variations in intensity between stages of a relationship
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Rapport
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based on culturally similar upbringing, social class, religion, and educational level because w/o this, would-be lovers don't have enough in common to establish an initial interest
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self revelation
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brings the couple closer together
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mutual dependency
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couples become more intimate; share ideas, jokes, hopes, and fears
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personality need fulifllment
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partners confide in each other, make mutual decisions, support each others' ambitions, and bolster each other's self-confidence
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Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love
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Components include intimacy, passion, and commitment (short and long term); can cause a nonlove relationship (all three components are absent), consummate love(all the elements are present), the greater mismatching, the greater dissatisfaction
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Lee's styles of loving
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eros, mania, ludus, storge, agape, pragma
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eros
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love of beauty; powerful physical attraction
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mania
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obsessive love; jealousy, possessiveness, intense dependency
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ludus
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playful love; carefree quality, casualness, fun and games approach
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storge
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companionate love; peaceful and affectionate love based on mutual trust and respect
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agape
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altruistic love; self sacrificing, kind, and patient
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pragma
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practical love; sensible, realistic
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exchange theory
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relationships involve social exchanges that provide rewards and costs for each partner
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functions of love
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ensures human survival; enhances our physical and emotional health; is fun; is the core of healthy and well functioning relationships and families
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men are more likely than women to:
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fall in love faster; say they are in love; initiate romantic email exchanges LOL; be romantic but not see love as necessarily leading to marriage (romance and commitment are different)
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intimacy for men and women
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women see it as being close emotionally before sex; men see sex as emotional closeness; more similarities than differences in attitudes towards love tho they may show affection differently
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obstacles to love
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technology decreases face-to-face interaction; economic issues constrain romantic lives (job insecurity, unemployment), cultural values encouraging individualism and competition rather than a sense of community and cooperation; personality and family characteristics, including fear of repeating divorce or being afraid to love/cynical of it
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narcissists
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people who have a grandiose self-concept and a sense of superiority and entitlement (admire themselves, enjoyable dating partners but do not stay long term, manipulate and exploit others, maintain dominance); males are more carcissistic than females
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jealousy
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jealous lovers insist jealousy proves love; is hostile and destructive; both men and women are more jealous of emotional than sexual infidelity; 2x as many men report jealousy over sexual infidelity
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controlling behavior
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threatening to withdraw love to manipulate the other; guilt trips (behavioral control is direct) (psychological control is more covert and manipulative); emotional and physical abuse; afraid of being alone; avoiding post break up hostility; not wanting to hurt feelings
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unrequited love
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not reciprocating another's romantic feelings; loving someone who is much better looking can be one sided; when only 1 person wants to go from casual dating to serious relationship
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romantic/long term love
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less common in the US in the 1800s because of shorter life expectancy and living in isolated towns with less variety; provides security and constancy and can be exhilarating and disappointing
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characteristics of romantic love
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lovers find it impossible to do anything but think about the beloved; moods fluctuate wildly; find it impossible to believe that they could ever love again;fantasize about their partner; care about the other person in a way that nothing else matters; idealize each other; love at first sight; fate (which, in reality, has little to do with love)
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long term vs romantic
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romantic is effortless and shortlived, self centered, and more materialistic; long term is longer lastic, altruistic, and has gestures that are less tangible and materialistic
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arranged marriage
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parents or relatives choose the children's marriage partners; well being of community may be more important than the individual's feelings
