Hate List – 30 Note Cards – Flashcards
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1. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness The school couldn't decide if I was a hero or villain, and I guess I couldn't blame them. I was having a hard time deciding that myself. Was I the bad guy who set into motion the plan to mow down half my school, or the hero who sacrificed herself to end the killing? Some days I felt like both. Some days I felt like neither. p. 7
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Narrator: Valerie This shows the inner conflict Valerie is having with herself. She can not decide if she either saved lives or killed six students by creating the object that started the shooting. It shows what thoughts that can go through the mind of a person when they feel guilty. Are they in the wrong? Should they feel guilty?
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2. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness The truth was most days I couldn't feel grateful no matter how hard I tried. Most days I couldn't even pinpoint how I felt. Sometimes sad, sometimes relieved, sometimes confused, sometimes misunderstood. And a lot of times angry. And, what's worse, I didn't know who I was angry at the most: myself, Nick, my parents, the school, the whole world. And then there was the anger that felt the worst of all: anger at the students who died. p. 10
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Narrator: Valerie This is another example of the internal conflict that Valerie is having with herself. Throughout the book, she will continue to try to find herself and figure out who she is as a person. Right now, all she knows is that she is angry. She was bullied and the students who were killed were Nick and her tormentors. She feels mostly angry at them, because she believes if they didn't bully Nick and herself the shooting would not have happened. She also feels angry at herself for making the Hate List that caused the idea of the shooting. She doesn't know where her anger should go towards, herself or them? Who is the real victim?
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3. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "It'll be tough," Dr. Hieler had warned. "You're going to have to face a lot of dragons." I'd shrugged. "What else is new? I can handle them." "Are you sure?" Dr. Hieler had asked, his eyes narrowed at me skeptically. I'd nodded. "It's not fair that I should have to leave. I can do this. If it's terrible I can always transfer at the end of the semester. But I'll make it I'm not afraid." But that was back when summer stretched in front of us, impossibly long. Back when "going back" was just an idea, not a reality...But now that it came down to putting my idea to practice, I wasn't just afraid; I was terrified. p. 15
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Narrator: Valerie This idea shows the difference between an idea and reality. Valerie was strong and unafraid of the idea of going back to school until the time came around to actually go through with the idea. This happens to all of us. We have an idea, but when the time comes to make it reality. We chicken out.
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4. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness Dr. Hieler and I had had The Conversation at least once a week since May. It always went some like this: He would ask, "are you safe?" "I'm not going to kill myself if your're asking that," I'd answer. "I am," he'd say. "Well, I'm not going to do it. She's just crazy," I'd answer. "She's just worried about you," he'd say, and then we'd thankfully, move on to something else. But then I'd get home later and climb into bed and start thinking about it. About the suicide stuff. Was I safe?...And then I'd spend about an hour, my room darkening around me, wondering what..happened to make me so unsure of who I even was. p. 36
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Conversation Between: Dr. Hieler and Valerie This scene is flashback. Valerie is asked if she thinks about suicide due to the emails between Nick and herself. Her mother worries are also a cause of the conversation between Dr. Hieler and Valerie. This shows the thought process from the conversation to later of the day. Valerie starts to have depressed thoughts. She is tired of not knowing who she is, and tired of the hurt and pain she is going through.
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5. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness I'd roll over on my side and stare at the dark shadowy horses dotting my wallpaper and wish they would giddy up and take me away the way I'd imagined them doing when I was a kid, so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore. Because not having a clue who you are hurts way too much. And one think I did know for sure: I was tired of hurting. p. 36
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Narrator: Valerie Valerie is sick of feeling hurt and guilty. She wants life to go back to before the shooting. Her wallpaper reminds her of times when she was a kid, and felt the horses take her to a better place, riding the horses off to a place where she is happy and there is no pain or guilt. The wallpaper can not make her feel that way again.
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6. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness You can't predict the future. God, if I could have predicted what happened, I would've stopped it. I would've made it go away. But I didn't I couldn't And I should have. That's what gets me. I should have. p. 51
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Narrator: Valerie No one can predict the future or change the past or future. Valerie wishes she could go back in time when she began to write the Hate List. But she learned long ago, wishing does not change the past, only make you feel worst. She learned that she will have to learn with her mistakes and live her life knowing that she should have never started the list. She also should have saw the signs that Nick took the list seriously.
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7. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "Mrs. Tate? Have things changed much?" I asked. "I mean, are people different now?" I didn't know what I hoped her answer would be. Yes, everyone learned their lesson and now we're all one big, happy family, just like they say we are in the newspapers. Or no, there were no bullies — it was all in your head just like they say... Mrs. Tate chewed on her bottom lip and seemed to really consider the question. "People are people,"" she finally said turning up her palms in a helpless, sad shrug." p. 51-52
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Conversation Between: Valerie and Mrs. Tate Mrs. Tate answer was perfect. People can not predict the reactions of other people. Everyone is different and every student thinks of Valerie different. Some believe she caused the shooting, others think she is a hero. Some feel indifferent. Valerie will have to wait and see.
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8. Book:Hate List Subject: Forgiveness I opened the door and I swear the entire class stopped what they were doing and looked up at me...I stood in the doorway, wondering if it would really be all that noticeable if I just turned around and walked out. Out of the classroom. Out of the school. Back home to bed. Tell Mom and Dr. Hieler that I was wrong, that I wanted to finish high school with a tutor after all. That I wasn't as strong as I originally thought. p. 65
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Narrator: Valerie I found this quote hilarious. This is the exact way I feel when I start each school year. I feel nervous. I just want to walk out of the school. Take a taxi home. Walk up the stairs to my apartment door. Crawl in my bed and go to sleep. Actually I feel this way every Monday morning. This is the first class Valerie attended the day, and the first description of the feelings Valerie has when she walks inside her first period class.
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9. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of fighting back. Just as the bus turned into the Garvin driveway, I felt another shove against my shoulder only this time there was a mighty yank on the cord of my earbuds and they were ripped out of my ears so hard the whole MP3 player flew out of my hand and skittered across the bus floor, settling under the seat ahead of mine. I picked it up. The green light on the side of it had blinked off and the screen was blank. I flipped the switch to turn it off and then on again, but... nothing. It was dead...Mom had told me once that if I kept ignoring Christy, eventually it would get boring for her. p.59 - 60
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Narrator: Valerie This a fraction of the bullying Valerie had to go through on a daily. Christy is one of the students on the Hate List and the first person shot on May 2.
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10. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness It was kind of weird because eventually they were all so busy hating each other, they forgot about hating me...To hear the reporters on TV tell it, these guys were sitting around in the cafeteria holding hands and singing"Give Peace a Chance" ever day. But it wasn't like that at all. p. 73
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Narrator: Valerie The media, whether the news, online articles, or magazines, may give their audience/readers false information of certain topics. Why do journalist do this?
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11. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness You've got to find a way to see what's really there, Valerie, Dr. Hieler had told me. You've got to start trusting that what you see is what's really there. I opened up my notebook and picked up a pencil. ONly, instead of taking notes on what Tennille was saying, I began sketching what I saw. p. 74
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Narrator: Valerie Valerie started to draw "what's really there" to help her cope with going to school. Dr. Hieler was the first to advise her to do this.
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12. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness She had an almost surprised look, like she didn't realize I'd been following her. Like we hadn't just been walking together through the lunch line. Like she hadn't just been talking to me. She glanced at Duce and then up at me again. "Yeah. Um..." She pressed her lips together. "Val. We up...ran out of chairs, I guess." p. 88
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Narrator: Valerie When I read this, I knew stuff like this probably happened every day. I just never truly realized it. Stacey was friends with Valerie before the shooting, and both of their parents raised them together. This shows how people change for the worst, and who are your true friends
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13. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "You can come sit with me," a voice said ripping me out of my daydream. Jessica Campbell was standing over me, her face showing no emotion whatsoever...She was the one whose life I saved. Before May I'd hated Jessica. Now I had no idea how I was supposed to feel about her. p. 92
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Narrator: Valerie Jessica changed after the shooting, she changed for the better. After being rejected by Valerie had to sit in the hallways, Jessica, once an enemy, offered Valerie to sit with her and her friends. But Valerie declined, not sure if she could trust her
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14. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness She wasn't miking fun of me. She meant what she said. She looked changed somehow.. And I wasn't imagining things—Jessica Campbell didn't look like she normally did. I sat back down on the floor and angled myself to where I could see into the Commons. See what's really there, Valerie, Dr. Heiler's voice said in my head. I reached into my backpack and pulled out my notebook and pencil. I watched the kids inside. I watched them do what they normally do and I drew them doing it - a pack of wolves bent over their trays, their long snouts drawn up into snarls and sneers and smiles. Except Jessica. p. 94
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Narrator: Valerie This symbolizes change. The change of people and the change of the Valerie. Valerie is slowly starting to open her eyes, and see what is truly in front of her. She is starting to forgive the ones you hurt her in the past.
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15. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness I could hear Mom and Frankie talking down in the kitchen..I felt a brief pang of guilt for leaving Frankie down there alone to bear the brunt of her frustrations since I was technically the one who had her frustrated. But Frankie never got it as bad as I did. In fact, ever since the shooting, Frankie really didn't exist much. No curfew, not chores, no limits. p. 113
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Narrator: Valerie I could tell this was going to be mentioned later on in the chapter. Frankie will finally get sick of being ignored and unloved.
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16. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness Mom sat by my bed constantly for those first two days, the whole time dumping one emotion or another on me. One minute she'd be crying softly into a palmed tissue, she'd be an angry-faced,puckered -mouthed woman blaming me and saying she couldn't believe she gave to such a monster. p, 141
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Narrator: Valerie Time Setting: Flashback I don't know if this is the author being over dramatic, or if parents actually do this. I would hope my mom would be on my side and will never think I am a monster, especially if I know I did not commit the crime. It would break my my heart to hear that my mom wish she never had me. No wonder Valerie can not forgive herself. She surrounded by a uncaring, unloving father and an unsupportive mother.
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17. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness Chris Summers was walking past our car, a giant fountain drink in his hand. He was with his buddies, and they were goofing around like always. They cut across the parking lot right in front of us, causing Nick to step on the brakes hard. Chris peered into the windshield and then started laughing. "Nice car, freak!" he called and then cocked his arm and lobbed the giant drink onto the windshield. The cup split open and soda and ice splattered everywhere, leaving foamy streaks as it slid down onto the hood of the car... He [Nick] was sitting absolutely still, his hands at ten and two on the steering wheel, the soda blurring the windshield. I leaned forward. His face, just a few minutes ago grinning, had totally fallen. Almost withered. His cheeks had bright red patches on them and his jaw was trembling. p. 147-148
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Narrator: Valerie Characters: Nick, Valerie, and Chris Time Setting: Flashback This is when Nick started to snap. He felt embarrassed and he just couldn't take the torment anymore. I was reminded of the movie Carrie when I read this part of the book. Nick was finally happy and Chris ruined it for him. This was the starting point of his final break down. This began his quest vengeance. I would not be surprised if after his date with Valerie he began to plan the shooting.
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18. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "They said we can go to school next week," she said. "Well, some of us. A lot of kids are afraid, I think. A lot are still recovering.. "Anyway, I'm going back. So is Duce. And I think David and Mason too. My mom doesn't really want me to, but I kind of wan to, you know? I think I need to. I don't know." "Are you going to talk to me, Valerie?" she asked. "Are you going to say anything?" "Did Christy Bruter die?" I finally blurted out. "No. She didn't. She's just down the hall. I just saw her." When I didn't say anything, she tossed her hair back and looked at me through squinty eyes. "Disappointed?" p.168
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Narrator: Valerie Characters: Stacey and Valerie Time Setting: Flashback I could understand the reaction Stacey had, but she could of stood by Valerie's side. Stacey should have trusted her friend. Honestly, I truly have no idea what I would do unless I experienced firsthand. I would hope I would have freak out exactly the same way as Stacey, but the sole difference, I would not have jump to a conclusion without hearing the full story. Throughout the story, I notice many prospects that does not help Valerie forgive herself. Friends and family not supporting her is one of them.
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19. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "Life isn't fair. A fair's a place where you eat corn dogs and ride the Ferris wheel." "I hate it when you say that." "So do my kids." p.203
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Narrator: Valerie Characters: Mr. Hieler and Valerie Time Setting: Flashback I love this quote. Not only is it true, Valerie needed to hear it. Yes, what she went through is really terrible, but she needs to gradually accept her problems and learn how to overcome them. This is after seeing the article that Garvin High is "moving" on.
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20. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "You know. The news. The media. They only talked about how you were guilty and how the police were getting to the bottom of things, but when they never really said much when the police decided you didn't do it. It's not fair, really." p. 216
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Jessica continues to show she is trustworthy. She stopped by Valerie's house to invite her to help with a memorial to remember May 2. She wants Valerie to be involved. This begins Valerie on her road to forgiving the people who did her wrong, and other people involved in the shooting to forgiving Val.
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21. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness I had changed Mom. Had changed her role as parent. No longer was her sole purpose so easy and clear-cut as it had been on the day I was born. No longer was her job to protect me from the rest of the world. Now her job was to protect the rest of the world from me. p. 224
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Narrator: Valerie Valerie's mother is worried, I get that. But I still feel she blames Valerie. I know she loves her daughter, but she needs to show she trusts her more. Valerie takes everything her mother say the wrong way, rightfully so. Valerie's parents hinder Valerie's path to recovery by not supporting her.
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22. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness Suddenly it felt impossible to sit there.anymore, taking these kids' side over Nick's. p. 232
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Narrator: Valerie This is a one of the big changes Valerie is starting to go through. She is starting to stop taking Nick's side. She is also starting to get along with the other students.
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23. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "Jessica," he said, one of those statements that sounds like a question. "What are you doing?" She took her milk carton, opened it. "Having lunch with Valerie," she answered. p. 255
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Narrator: Valerie Characters: Jessica and Mr. Angerson This is when Valerie finally told herself she can trust Valerie. She is finally trying to forgive people.
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24. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "Will you ever forgive me?" he asked. "Will you ever forgive me? I shot back, leveling my gaze directly into his eyes. "No," he said, without facing me. p. 295
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Narrator: Valerie Characters: Valerie and Valerie's father I was really upset with her dad after this scene. Valerie's father finally is leaving her mother after having an long affair with his secretary. Valerie found out she was not the cause of the drift between her parents, which she always thought. This scene shows the distance between her father and herself.
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25. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "She saw her friends die, thanks to you that puke boyfriend of yours. She still has nightmares about it. He got what he deserved, but you got a free pass.." p. 314
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Characters: Troy and Valerie This scene shows the effect the shooting had on Troy, and the hate most likely some have for Valerie. This scene brought back Valerie a few steps from recovery.
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26. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness ...I had to get away from her. To get away from Student Council. p. 332
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Narrator: Valerie This is the result of Valerie and Troy's encounter. He made not believe in people anymore and made her think all she brought around was trouble. She doesn't want to hurt anyone else.
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27. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "I don't hate you," I whispered, and then I repeated it louder. "I don't." p. 346
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Valerie is visiting Nick's grave to say goodbye and to finally forgive herself. She is lost and she is trying to finally have some closure so she can move on. While at the graveyard, she ran into Duce, and they made a truce. She also realized she was selfish for only thinking of herself while on the path to recovery. She realized she was not the only one recovering.
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28. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "But even now that Nick's gone, you still do stuff to make people miserable. It's impossible. Just like Dad says. You're impossible. I'm sick of my life always having to revolve around yours." p. 355
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Characters: Frankie to Valerie Frankie finally broke down and told Valerie how he feels. This makes Valerie realize she has been selfish, and makes her want to change.
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29. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "I took a walk to say goodbye," I said evenly, opening my eyes and looking at Mom. "You should be really happy. Nick's officially out of my life forever. Maybe you can trust me now." p.. 356
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Characters: Valerie to her mother, Jenny Valerie finally told her mother how she feels about her being unsupportive. She tells her mother that she felt like she needs to be trusted and that she always feels like the bad guy. She told her she was trying to get closure, not running away.
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30. Book: Hate List Subject: Forgiveness "I've wanted to die ever since Nick did this to me," she said p. 370
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Character: Ginny to Valerie Valerie visited Ginny after hearing she tried committing suicide. She talked to her and Ginny told her how she felt, during and after the shooting, and how the shooting affected her. This gave Valerie an epiphany.
