Hilliard's wartime experience sheds light on his time at home, as his life prior to the war appears insignificant in comparison.
Upon his return home, the protagonist senses a disconnect with the way of life and believes he may never belong again, as conveyed emphatically in the novel's opening. He is unfamiliar with the everyday world: "Knew everything. Nothing."
Despite acquiring knowledge about the topics of life and death, Hilliard perceives that his sense of normality has vanished. Engaged in war, Hilliard experiences an identity crisis as previously relevant aspects of his personality seem insignificant. The recollections of Hilliard's past childhood are numerous.
Hilliard's mind constantly wanders, revealing glimpses of his past and how uncomplicated it used to be, which he compares to his present situation. Upon returning home, he is unhappy a
...nd frustrated. He feels isolated, unable to connect with anyone who understands him. He is forced to endure the opinions of old men who air their military views at dinner parties while he sits silently, staring and incredulous. Hilliard's anger builds as he listens to people discuss the war as if they have firsthand experience and know what is best.
Despite not being present, how could they discuss it? People who haven't experienced the extremes of life and death have limited knowledge. Hilliard, who once had a youthful curiosity to observe and absorb everything, now lacked that fresh perspective. He is reminded of the war in everyday encounters and tries to suppress those memories.
This is exemplified during Hilliard's time in London where he is reminded of his own uniform by the sight of commissionaires in uniform.'
Commissionaires in uniform are seen openin
the doors of grand hotels, emphasizing the importance of their attire.
After experiencing a sensation of pressure in his head, Hilliard expressed his desire to avoid any further reminders. He emphasized the clear division between his world and Beth's when discussing their relationship.
Although Hilliard received letters from Beth while he was away, they did not mention anything about their home life. When Hilliard returns, he realizes that a gap has formed between them as Beth has moved on and matured. He decides to speak with Beth in an attempt to regain the sense of normality they had before the war. However, he discovers that Beth no longer comprehends him as she has evolved into a different person. Hilliard is experiencing a range of anxieties, emotions and concerns.
Hilliard believes that Beth is the only person he can confide in, as he has been through a great deal of horror but has no one to talk to about it. He questions why Beth insists on discussing his leg when it's not a concern. However, Beth seems to have closed herself off from Hilliard and doesn't want to acknowledge the atrocities of war. The warmth and love they once shared have disappeared.
Living in a secure and conventional environment, she remains oblivious to Hilliard's true emotions. With a sigh, she acknowledges, "Oh well..."
Hilliard feels unwelcome in his own home as his partner's behavior makes him feel like a guest. He longs to return to the war and be among people who can understand his feelings. At home, Hilliard stands back and observes his surroundings.
Around him were manicured lawns that his father's gardener fretted over every day,
along with symmetrical flowerbeds and pruned roses. This was his birthplace, but the tall, bare windows held no significance. His outlook on life had shifted, rendering the appearance of the garden irrelevant to him.
The neath order of his home life is in contrast with the chaos of war, which Hilliard reflects on. His family's reaction to the news of the war causes them to panic and focus on protecting their own secluded worlds. Hilliard's urgency to return to the front emerges as a defence against the awareness of this chaos. He is prepared to leave for London too soon and doesn't want his mother to accompany him as he desires to leave everything behind.
While with his mother, Hilliard's urgency to leave Cliff House alone intensifies. His desire to turn the bend by the black thorn hedge and disappear from sight highlights that he no longer feels comfortable there. War has transformed him into someone different, and he realizes he has never truly understood his mother until now.
He has gained insight into her true self, which he previously lacked. He now comprehends her beauty and the reasons behind her fashion choices. "
Hilliard's sudden understanding was that his mother had to make the best of what she had in the dull and restricted neighborhood and that she might be unhappy and bored with herself. He noticed her beauty and it showed that he had matured since going to war and was no longer embarrassed by her dressing. This also implies that worrying about his mother's attire seemed insignificant after facing so much in the war. However, Hilliard was enraged by his mother's lack of
comprehension of the war.
During a conversation with Hilliard, Mrs Hilliard brings up the topic of Kimble's son, who was killed at Mons. She speaks of it casually, without consideration for the gravity of the situation, which upsets Hilliard. He wonders if she is aware of the significance of Kimble's son's death. Despite her ignorance, Mrs Hilliard is just like any other person who cannot truly imagine the horrors of war.
It appears that like many others in Britain, she is living a blissful life of ignorance about the world's events. Hilliard's encounter with war has rendered his home life devoid of significance. Cliff House, once his abode, now holds nothing of him; he is no longer the same individual. Standing on a placid platform under the sunrays, a tall young man in uniform holds possession of what he had and what he was, having witnessed what he had seen and carrying some of his belongings in a dark valise.
After experiencing the brutality of war, the individual realizes that they can never fully revert back to their former self. The intensity of their encounters with life and death leaves an indelible mark, altering them permanently.
The main character feels a deep sense of detachment from his previous life and experiences both unity and isolation. His past has ended, and he ponders the trivial comments made by his family during his voyage to London. Hilliard realizes that he cannot relate to them, just as they cannot comprehend him, highlighting their superficiality regarding the realities of war. However, before departing, he relishes a moment of unadulterated happiness.
Despite the irony, Halliard's perspective is comprehensible as his experiences of life and
death have transformed him, prompting a change from his previous existence. He admits to his innermost feelings when reuniting with Barton during his return to the battlefield.
Admitting to being extremely unhappy at home, Hilliard's experiences of war have completely transformed him. Having witnessed the extremities of life and death, he can no longer assimilate back into his old life, owing to the lack of understanding people back home possess.
Hilliard, unlike those who discuss war casually, has firsthand knowledge of its realities and will have to carry the memories of those experiences with him permanently.
