As they covered the beautiful cherry coffin with a brown mixture of rocks, and weeds. I refused to let go of my grandfather, to believe that an illness could steal a loved one so quickly. This could not be end of what I thought would last forever. He was my grandpa, my poppa, my fishing partner and my exploring partner.
When my parents finally told me about my grandfather’s cancer, I was fifteen and I was angry, mostly with myself. They had only wanted to protect me from the complex and miserable thought of death. However, when the end arrived, I wasn’t trying to understand what dying was; I was trying to understand how I had been able to abandon and leave my sick grandfather to go hang out with friends and play games. Hurt th
...at my parents had deceived me and resentful of my own insensibility. How could I be so careless to not stay and visit, to talk with him while I still could.
My grandfather loved the outdoors, we would walk the trails behind their house looking for animal droppings and deer tracks. One day I was hiking the trails behind their old house and it hit me, that simple walk I had been on hundreds of times made me open my own eyes to the truth. Over the years, everything had become second to what I wanted, it was all about me. As a flower just begging to bloom appeared through the tall grass, the squirrels chasing each other up the tall pine trees, and the fluffy white clouds hanging in the sky reminded me of my small part in a larger whol
that is this world. Before I could resolve my guilt of not being there when my grandfather needed me the most, I had to broaden my perspective of the world.
Volunteering at our local food pantry helped me gain perspective. When I see local people trapped in their past just looking for a way out, I talk to them. I simply smile and say hello and their face begins to brighten up. My first visit to the food panty I met Lisa, her husband had been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and had been sent home to be comfortable. As we sat and talked I shared with her about my grandfather and how he had cancer also. We talked for only a few minutes, but I was able to ask if I could come visit her and her husband at their house. I visited their house three days a week until the battle was over, and throughout our visits without ever standing up, the four of us had taken a walk together.
