Anger Management

Think before you speak
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.
Once you’re calm, express your anger
As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child’s messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won’t fix anything and might only make it worse.
Use humor to release tension
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your “gut.”
Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax,” “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
Try to gain a different perspective by putting yourself in another’s place.
Assert yourself properly
Learn to assert yourself, expressing your feelings calmly and directly without becoming defensive, hostile, or emotionally charged.
Respect is NOT fear
True power doesn’t come from bullying others. People may be afraid of you, but they won’t respect you if you can’t control yourself or handle opposing viewpoints. Others will be more willing to listen to you and accommodate your needs if you communicate in a respectful way.
Control what you can
You can’t always control the situation you’re in or how it makes you feel, but you can control how you express your anger. And you can express your anger without being verbally or physically abusive. Even if someone is pushing your buttons, you always have a choice about how to respond.
Anger is normal
Never getting angry is not a good goal. Anger is normal, and it will come out regardless of how hard you try to suppress it. Anger management is all about becoming aware of your underlying feelings and needs and developing healthier ways to manage being upset. Rather than trying to suppress your anger, the goal is to express it in constructive ways.
Anger is often a cover-up for other feelings
We become more angry when we are stressed and body resources are down. We are rarely ever angry for the reasons we think. We are often angry when we didn’t get what we needed as a child. We often become angry when we see a trait in others we can’t stand in ourselves. Underneath many current angers are old disappointments, traumas, and triggers. Sometimes we get angry because we were hurt as a child. We get angry when a current event brings up an old unresolved situation from the past. We often feel strong emotion when a situation has a similar content, words or energy that we have felt before.
Negative thought patterns
Overgeneralizing – “You always … You NEVER … EVERYONE verbs … I NEVER …
Obsessing on “shoulds” and “musts”- Having a rigid view of the way things should or must be
Mind reading/jumping to conclusions – Assuming you “know” what someone else is thinking/feeling
Collecting straws – Looking for things to get upset about while anything positive.
Blaming – When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault.
Avoid people, places, and situations that bring out your worst
Stressful events don’t excuse anger, but understanding how these events affect you can help you take control of your environment and avoid unnecessary aggravation. Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings. Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out for drinks with a certain group of friends. Or maybe the traffic on your daily commute drives you crazy. Then think about ways to avoid these triggers or view the situation differently so it doesn’t make your blood boil.
Focus on physical sensations
Focus on the physical sensations of anger. While it may seem counterintuitive, tuning into the way your body feels when you’re angry often lessens the emotional intensity of your anger.
Use your senses
Use your senses. Take advantage of the relaxing power of your sense of sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste. You might try listening to music or picturing yourself in a favorite place.
Give yourself a reality check
How important is it in the grand scheme of things? Is it really worth getting angry about it? Is it worth ruining the rest of my day? Is my response appropriate to the situation? Is there anything I can do about it? Is taking action worth my time?
Pinpoint what you’re really angry about
Have you ever gotten into an argument over something silly? Big fights often happen over something small, like a dish left out or being 10 minutes late. But there’s usually a bigger issue behind it. If you find your irritation and anger rapidly rising, ask yourself “What am I really angry about?” Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate your anger better, take constructive action, and work towards a resolution.
Always fight fair
Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint. If you pick your battles rather than fighting over every little thing, others will take you more seriously when you are upset. Be willing to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.

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